Game Devs Nowadays

Patrick claims "C/C++ is a deprecated language" while SpongeBob looks horrified holding an Unreal Engine shield. Then SpongeBob runs into a series of tech ecosystems—first encountering Unity, then Windows, followed by a keyboard graveyard of programming languages, and finally Adobe design tools. The journey ends with SpongeBob escaping to the safety of Linux, where he can breathe again. It's basically the digital equivalent of telling a chef "knives are obsolete" and watching them sprint through the culinary world trying to find someone who agrees. Spoiler: they end up at a Linux commune where everyone makes their own knives from scratch.

The four-panel descent into game dev reality hits harder than a production bug on release day! It starts with pure optimism: "we make the game" (cue innocent developer dreams). Then the marketing team swoops in with their brilliant strategy: "we market the game to the people who want to play the game" (revolutionary, I know). But then comes the soul-crushing realization in duplicate panels: "we realize nobody actually wants to play this game." That moment when you discover your revolutionary procedurally-generated roguelike dating sim with blockchain integration isn't actually appealing to... well, anyone. This is why market research before writing a single line of code isn't just good practice—it's emotional self-preservation!

The AUDACITY of Steam reviews! On one side, we have 1.1 MILLION players screaming "Overwhelmingly Positive" like it's the second coming of digital Jesus. Meanwhile, this ONE dramatic soul with nearly 1,400 hours invested has the sheer NERVE to give it a thumbs down?! 💀 This is the gaming equivalent of eating at a restaurant every single day for FOUR YEARS straight and then leaving a one-star review because they changed the napkin color. The commitment to the hatred is almost... beautiful? *chef's kiss*

Developers still clinging to their 1080 Ti graphics cards in 2025 while newer, similarly priced GPUs exist. That 7-year-old card sitting in your rig like royalty while you keep telling yourself "it still runs everything fine" despite struggling with modern games. The real flex isn't buying new hardware—it's squeezing eight years of performance from hardware you bought during Obama's presidency.

When you're showing off your 3D modeling skills to non-technical friends and they can't tell the difference between a basic capsule primitive and your meticulously crafted character with proper topology, UV mapping, and rigging. That moment when you've spent 8 hours tweaking vertices and they're like "cool bean shape with eyes."

OMG, the absolute AUDACITY of game developers naming these chaotic monstrosities "normal maps"! 💀 For the uninitiated, normal maps are textures used in 3D graphics that fake surface details without adding extra polygons - they're those weird blue/purple images that look like someone spilled a unicorn's bathwater all over your monitor. THE IRONY IS SUFFOCATING ME! Nothing "normal" about a texture that looks like it's having an existential crisis in RGB format. Whoever named these clearly never consulted a dictionary... or an optometrist! They're basically the glitter bomb of the texture world - absolutely everywhere and impossible to explain to non-technical people!