It Was Not My Fault

When your junior dev creates a pull request without running tests, fixing linting errors, or even reviewing their own code. Just smashes that green button and expects everyone else to clean up the mess. And the worst part? We've all been that dev at some point. Nothing says "not my problem anymore" like a hastily created PR with the commit message "fix stuff".

The classic "{:companyName}" variable that never got replaced. Nothing says "our hiring system is as broken as our codebase" quite like template literals making it into production. Somewhere, a senior dev is having heart palpitations while the intern is wondering why everyone's staring at their Slack messages. The real job application here is for the debugging team that has to fix this mess before HR notices.

Oh. My. God. The AUDACITY of this comparison! 💀 Left side: One single, straight, boring track that takes FIVE HOURS of your precious life to build an app the old-fashioned way. Just you, your coffee, and your tears. Straight to destination despair. Right side: A CHAOTIC MASTERPIECE of tracks going in sixty different directions that somehow delivers your app in FIVE MINUTES with AI agents. Sure, you have absolutely no idea where those tracks lead, what data they're collecting, or if your app will suddenly decide to become sentient and overthrow humanity. But hey! It's 60x faster! Who needs control when you can have SPEED? Just don't ask what's happening in those mysterious junction boxes. The complexity is the feature, darling! 💅

Ah, the infamous bug report form that gets progressively more hostile as developers lose their will to live. The eternal cycle: User submits ticket with "it doesn't work" as the only description. Developer politely asks for details. User ignores all fields and resubmits "still doesn't work." Developer's blood pressure rises. Form evolves to include increasingly desperate pleas culminating in that final checkbox that might as well say "I solemnly swear I'm not a complete idiot." Ten years in tech and I've never seen a properly filled bug report in the wild. They're like unicorns - mythical creatures that would solve problems in minutes instead of days. But hey, who needs sanity when you can have the thrill of debugging blind?

Ah, the ancient architectural marvel of "I'll fix it later" engineering! This stone bridge with its bizarre double-arch structure perfectly represents what happens when you push your janky code to production while whispering sweet nothings about "cleaning it up in the refactor." The bridge is somehow still standing despite looking like it was designed by three different engineers who never spoke to each other. Just like your codebase after six months of "temporary fixes" and "we'll document this later" commits. Spoiler alert: The refactor never comes. That bridge has probably been "temporary" since 1873, much like your workaround for that authentication bug from 2019.

Ah, the eternal gang war of the command line. On the red side, we have the cat /file | grep pattern crew—unnecessarily piping a file into grep like they're getting paid by the character. On the blue side, the enlightened grep pattern /file purists who skip the middleman. It's basically the command-line equivalent of taking a taxi to walk across the street. Sure, both get the job done, but one makes efficiency nerds twitch uncontrollably. The real gangsters use grep -r pattern . and don't even specify files. Absolute chaos.