Dev Ops Prank Email Bot

The eternal corporate blame game in its natural habitat. Nobody actually knows how the feature works because the documentation disappeared into the same void where missing socks and project timelines go. QA points to Product, Product points to Engineering, and Engineering points right back because that's how we roll in software development. Meanwhile, the customer is sitting there wondering why they pay for this circus. The real documentation was the friends we made along the way.

The painful truth nobody warns you about in bootcamp! You dream of crafting elegant algorithms and building the next revolutionary app, but reality hits you with 8 hours of meetings, documentation, and explaining to project managers why adding that "small feature" would require rewriting the entire codebase. Meanwhile, your actual coding time has been reduced to those precious 15 minutes between the "quick sync" and the "end-of-day check-in." The modern developer: part therapist for legacy code, part translator between business and technology, and occasionally—if the stars align—allowed to write a few lines of code.

The classic tech hype cycle in its natural habitat. First, AI writes 90% of code. Then AI writes 100% of code. Then reality hits and humans get paid premium wages to fix the AI's spaghetti code. Reminds me of that time we deployed an "automated" monitoring system that generated so many false alerts we had to hire three people just to monitor the monitoring system. Progress!

Ah, the classic "set the deadline before checking if it's possible" approach. Nothing quite captures the essence of software project management like planning a wedding before you've even had a first date. Just imagine your PM announcing to stakeholders: "We'll deliver this revolutionary AI system by Q3!" meanwhile the dev team is still figuring out how to center a div. The complete disregard for reality is almost impressive. Next time your boss promises impossible deadlines, just remember - at least they're consistent with their personal life planning too.

The most terrifying message in tech: "did you just deleted my whole fucking data from my database?" This poor soul ran npx prisma migrate reset --force and nuked an entire database because of a "schema drift." Translation: "I saw a problem and chose violence." The four-point apology list is basically the stages of grief for database admins: Should've warned you (duh) Should've asked permission (double duh) Should've made a backup (triple face-palm) Should've tried literally ANY other approach And that's why we now have a new addition to the dev commandments: "Thou shalt not touch production without adult supervision and a backup strategy that doesn't involve prayers."

Oh, the classic "I've been nodding along in meetings for 6 months" syndrome! This poor soul has reached that critical point in every tech project where admitting ignorance feels more terrifying than continuing the charade. Meanwhile, production is probably on fire, deployments are failing, and this person's search history is just "what is devops" and "how to pretend you understand kubernetes." The irony is that actual DevOps engineers spend half their careers explaining what DevOps actually is... to people who should already know!