Me, debugging

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this pun! Someone actually glued a RAM stick to a literal leek vegetable and called it a "memory leek." I'm DECEASED! 💀 This is what happens when programmers go grocery shopping after debugging for 48 hours straight. Next thing you know they'll be putting thermal paste on their sandwiches and wondering why their CPU is still overheating. The Windows laptop in the background is just silently judging all of our life choices right now.

Ah, the seven deadly archetypes of every engineering team. I've worked with all of these people, and I've been all these people—sometimes in the same sprint. My personal favorite is "The Silent Operator" who hasn't spoken since the company holiday party of 2019 but somehow commits the exact fix at 2 AM while everyone else is arguing in Slack. And don't get me started on "The System Rebuilder." Sure, event sourcing sounds amazing in theory—right up until you're explaining to the CEO why the shopping cart needs six months of refactoring. The real unicorn is someone who's none of these. If you find them, lock the door and hide their passport.

The DUALITY of the programmer's soul laid bare! 😱 When we're DESPERATELY hunting for documentation, we transform into feral Gollum, ready to sacrifice our firstborn for a single paragraph explaining that obscure API. "MUST HAVE THE PRECIOUS DOCS!" we screech while frantically clicking through GitHub issues at 3 AM. But the MOMENT someone suggests WE write documentation? Suddenly we're covering our ears like traumatized Sméagol, absolutely REFUSING to acknowledge such a horrifying request. "NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING!" Because writing docs is basically volunteering for torture when there's "real coding" to be done!

Content Caitlin caithuls RELATIVE: You know about computers, right? ME (has a degree in computer science): No

Content There he is So I showed the whole demo to the client, just as planned So? And And I followed the exact paths we had planned.. Well nothing happened, there was no problem at all Huh? Yeah, and what happened? What do you mean by "no problem"? leven did the whole demo a second time... still not a single bug I have no idea... I guess everything went just as planned. Really? Are you sure? How is this possible? That's incredible.. CommitStrip.com Only if this could happen!

The infamous 4:16 AM Discord exchange that perfectly captures the dark reality of software deployment. Matt casually drops the most terrifying phrase in tech—"just test in prod"—while kitty delivers the punchline that makes QA professionals wake up in cold sweats. Let's be honest, we've all secretly implemented this "methodology" at some point. The real production environment is just a staging environment with higher stakes and real customer data! Who needs unit tests when you have thousands of unsuspecting users ready to find your bugs for free?