It Worked. I Don't Know Why. I'm Scared.

Someone said to make function names self-explanatory, and buddy took it literally . The irony is palpable as they create a function called "selfExplanatory" with increasingly chaotic casing and naming conventions, then ask "Am I doing it right?" Meanwhile, the only response is just an opening parenthesis - the universal symbol for "I've given up trying to explain this to you." Nothing says "I understand coding best practices" like completely missing the point while technically following instructions.

When you're so tired of typing "status" wrong that you create an alias dictionary for every possible typo you've ever made. The programmer equivalent of "I don't care what you call me, just call me for dinner." At this point, just rename the variable to "s" and save yourself the carpal tunnel.

The Venn diagram of pain! On one side, we have incels who can't get dates. On the other, Excel users battling the notorious date format nightmare. Both groups united by the same core issue: incorrectly assuming something is a date when it's not. Excel thinks your gene identifiers are dates, while that guy in the cubicle next door thinks a friendly "good morning" means you're madly in love with him. The spreadsheet struggle is real—just ask anyone who's typed "01-03" only to have Excel transform it into "January 3rd" and ruin their entire dataset. It's the perfect intersection of social awkwardness and technical frustration!

SWEETIE, HONEY, DARLING! The AUDACITY of this "Josh, 25 years old" claiming Java isn't stressful?! I. CANNOT. EVEN. 💀 Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here DROWNING in NullPointerExceptions, wrestling with verbose syntax that requires a NOVEL just to print "Hello World," and sobbing quietly into our 17th cup of coffee while waiting for our enterprise applications to compile! The contrast with the wise elderly man's face is SENDING ME. It's giving "this child has NO IDEA what horrors await." Come back in 10 years, Josh, when you're maintaining legacy Java code with 500 AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBeans and THEN we'll talk about stress!

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute HORROR of having non-tech friends peek at your search history! 😱 There you are, innocently Googling "how to kill child of fork" like the responsible process manager you are, and suddenly everyone thinks you're plotting a tiny-tined murder spree! For the blissfully unaware: in programming, particularly in Unix/Linux systems, a "fork" creates a "child process" from a "parent process." And sometimes those children need to be... *dramatic whisper* TERMINATED. It's not murder, it's MEMORY MANAGEMENT, KAREN! 💅 The FBI agent monitoring my searches is probably on stress leave by now. "I swear officer, I was just trying to clean up zombie processes!"

Ever been forced into "pair programming" by a manager who has no idea what coding actually involves? Yeah, that's not collaboration—that's just having five people breathing down your neck while Windows decides it's the perfect time for an update. The poor dev is just trying to code with an audience of managers expecting miracles while the system is literally unusable. And the best part? Someone's already mentally writing your obituary when you inevitably fail to "fix bug" during this corporate theater of the absurd. Pair programming works great in theory. In practice? It's just another word for "public execution by keyboard."