💀

The fragile ego of developers is on full display here. We all pretend we want "constructive feedback" on our code, but the second someone suggests our beautifully crafted 300-line function might work better as five smaller ones, we're secretly dying inside. Nothing quite like spending three days on a feature only to have some senior dev casually mention "this could be a one-liner" in the PR comments. I've been on both sides of this equation for 15 years and still haven't figured out how to take criticism without mentally drafting my resignation letter.

Content

Content me, at Zam, realizing how to solve THE bug from the morning

Content What we say What we mean Horrible hack Homble hack that I didnt write Temporary workaround Homble hack that I wrote 'S broken There are bugs in your code It has a few issues There are bugs in my code Obscure Someone else's code doesn't have comments Self-documenting My code doesn't have comments That's why it's an awesome anquage It's my favorite language and it's really easy to do something in it. You're thinking in the wrong mindset It's my favorite language and it's really hard to do something in it. I can read this Perl script I wrote this Perl script I can't read this Perl script I didn't write this Perl script bad structure Someone else's code is badly organized Complex structure My code is badly organized Bug The absence of a feature I like our or scone The absence of a feature I don't like Clean solution It works and l understand it Wencedto rewrite it It works but I don't understand it emacs is better than vi It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war vi is better than emacs It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war IMHO yourare wrote Legacy code It works, but no one knows how AXCquit (ESCESCJC I don't know how to quit vi

The eternal developer purgatory: staring at an error message that might as well be written in ancient Sumerian. "Bad argument on line 237" — thanks for narrowing it down to just the entire function. Modern languages with their PhDs and billions in funding still can't tell you what you did wrong without making you feel like you're decoding the Enigma. Sure, let's spend 3 hours debugging what turns out to be a missing semicolon. Totally reasonable use of my finite existence on this planet.

The duality of programming languages in their natural habitat: Java developers live in two states: complete confusion and smug pretentiousness. "What the hell is this code" meets "It's a StrategyManagerFactory" with zero middle ground. The naming conventions alone require a PhD in verbosity. Meanwhile, C++ developers have achieved enlightenment through suffering. Both sides of the brain have united in the brotherhood of bewilderment. The left guy asks what the hell is happening, and the right guy—instead of pretending to understand—simply admits the universal truth of programming: absolutely nobody knows what's going on. The real joke? We're all getting paid to write code nobody understands. Pure genius.