Poorly Optimized SQL: The Empty Promise

The secret productivity hack no one talks about! When you're stuck debugging Oracle code, the cycle begins: desperately asking coworkers who shrug, frantically searching Stack Overflow posts from the Paleolithic era, and finally giving up to "take a break." Suddenly, while mindlessly scrolling Twitter or pretending to fold laundry, your brain magically solves the problem that's been tormenting you for hours. The ultimate developer paradox - your best work happens when you're technically not working at all. The real MVP of remote work isn't your mechanical keyboard, it's strategic procrastination.

Content Adam Rackis AdamRackis Company: "We'd like to use SQL Server Enterprise" MS: "That'll be a quarter million dollars 20Kmonth" Company: "Ok!" Company: "We'd like to use Babel" Babel: "Ok! npm i babel --save" Company: "Cool" Babel: "Would you like to help contribute financially?" Company: "lol no"

Content 2 Awards My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and I found out he's a notorious sleep talker. Some nights he would roll over to me, kiss me full on the mouth, tell me he loves me, then plonk right back on his pillow and start snoring again(this actually happens regularly, much to my delight lol). Other nights he would blurt out things like how he would install a new server at the sherrif's office, or there's a snake on his palm and when I asked what it's doing he answered that it's coding something. I now enjoy staying up late and am a proud owner of several recordings of my husband's sleep talkings. Recently, I got him answering math questions and it tickled me silly how he got them all correct. Edit: Oh, hey! I got awards. Thank youuuu happy dance 4 2.9k J namewithak 4h 2 Awards Was the snake a Python? 4 1,8k J Dokterz 4h SSSSSSSSSSQL SSSSSSSERVER. 4 453 J

Content Looking to hire a Jr Data Scientist: - 15 years Python - 30 years SQL - 20 years AWS - 15 years Spark - 15 years Terraform - Core contributor to assembly code base - Team player - Should have some sort of martial arts experience, whether Ninja, Jujitsu, or Karate. All 3 is preferred. - Knows SQL, NoSQL, NewSQL and all future flavors of SQL - Project Management experience - Strong experience with Keras, TensorFlow, Sklearn, XGBoost and preferably has written their own ML library from scratch. - Should have published at least 2 top level academic papers preferably focused around a Convolutional Recurrent Back-propagating Neural Network - Open source contributor at least 5 projects. - Experience leading teams of 10,000 people or more - Managed CICD pipeline for an application with at least 2 billion daily users - Should have at least 1 PhD, 5 is preferred. Yes, we have ping pong tables and an open floor plan and lots of salty snacks in the breakroom. Organic Kombucha on tap. The interviews will consist of a 5 day process of whiteboarding algorithms from scratch followed by writing your own compiler and a coding exam will be taken at random from the 20 most popular programming languages.

That moment when your janky prototype suddenly becomes "production-ready" because marketing did their job too well. Your spaghetti code that barely handled 10 concurrent users is now facing the wrath of 10,000. Time to frantically Google "how to scale horizontally at 3 AM" while the servers melt down and your phone won't stop buzzing with alerts. The classic developer prayer: "Dear CPU gods, please hold on until I can refactor this nightmare."

Ah, the classic LinkedIn clickbait switcheroo! Someone's proudly announcing their addiction to the "PORN stack" - which turns out to be P ostgreSQL, O penAI, R eact, and N ext.js. The perfect tech stack for your resume and guaranteed heart attacks for HR departments everywhere. Bonus points for the 703 reactions from developers who nearly spat out their coffee before realizing it's just another tech acronym. Job recruiters must be having a field day with their keyword searches!