Poorly Optimized SQL: The Empty Promise

Content function register if (lempty (POST)) ( Smsa 1f (S POSTI 'user name' 1) if (SPOST( 'userpasswordnew' 1) if (SPOBT 'userpasswordnew') wam SPOSTI 'userpasawordrepeat'1) ( if (atrien (POST( 'usorpasswordnew' )) 5) ( if (atrion (POST 'usernasso'1) 65 L6 atrlon(PPOST( 'usorname')) 1) ( 1f (pregmatch( (a-qd) (2,64)S1', SPOST(' username 1)) ( - readUser (SPOST('usernano' 1); 16 (lisset (Sumer ('username' 1)) ( 1f (9POST( 'useremail 1) ( If (atrion (POST('usoroma11' )) 65) ( 11 (filtervar (9POST ( 'useremail'), PILTER VALIDNTE EMAIL)) ( creatouser () 7 SESSION( 'mag' ) a 'You are nos a registered so please login': header ('Locations SSERVER( 'PHP SELP'1)) exit()) else Smag 'You must provido a valid email addross else Smag - 'Email must be leus than 64 charactors'; ) else Smog Small cannot be empty; ) elso Smog - 'Username already exieta', )olso mag 'Usornamo must be only a-2, 1-2, 0-9'; 018o Smsg Veername must be botwoon 2 and 64 charactors elso Sasg a PAssword most be at leaet 6 charactors: else Smag a 'Passworde do not match'; Empty Password 01so Smsg 'Empty Voername!) SESSION( mog' - Smeg; register form();

The evolution of a database admin's brain from basic monkey to cosmic deity in four easy steps! 🧠 Starts with the primitive "just write SQL queries" stage where you're basically a glorified typist. Then evolves to "use views and indexes" - congratulations, you've discovered fire! 🔥 But the true enlightenment begins at "put all business logic in stored procedures" - suddenly your brain glows with the power of a thousand suns. Database purists are nodding vigorously right now. The final form? Transcending reality itself by letting the database handle EVERYTHING. Who needs application servers when your PostgreSQL instance can become sentient? The database is the application. The database is life.

Ah yes, the classic binary gender implementation! When your professor thinks human identity is just a boolean value. 🤦‍♂️ In the real world: "What's your gender?" "Well, it's complicated..." In this database: "What's your gender?" "true." "Wait, what does that even mean?!" Somewhere a non-binary person is trying to hack the system with a NULL value and causing a database crash. Whoops!

Content ESS KEW ELI SE- QUEL SKEWL

Content Companies Projects Using Git Google Microsoft Linked in NETFLIX PostgreSQL Ot GNOME RAILS eclipse

Content If you ever feel bad at CSS, remember that this is the website of the guy who created Python Guido van Rossum - Personal Home Page "crawn are prong onin" WRO LAI Read my "King's Dav speech" for some inspiration am the author of the Ruthon programmins language. See also mv resume and my publications list. a brief bio. assorted writings. presentations and interviews (all about Fvthon) some Dictures of me. my new blog, and mv old blog on Artima.com. I am gvanrossum on I Witte worked for Dropbox. Google. Blemental Securitv. Zop e Corporation BeOpen. com. CNRI. CWI. and SARA. (See my resume.) I created Python while at CWI How to Reach Me MY Name My name often poses difficulties for America Here's a collection of essavs relating to Pvthon that I've written, including the foreword I wrote for Mark Lutz' book "Programming Pvthon". The Andio File Formats FAQ I was the original creator and maintainer of the Audio File Formats FAQ. It is now maintained by Chris Bagwell at http:www.cnpbagwell.comaudio-faq. And here is a link to SOX, to which I contributed some early cod