Include Linalg... In The Next Decade

HONEY, PROGRAMMING IN C IS NOT A HOBBY, IT'S A DEATH WISH! 💀 That tightrope walker over Niagara Falls has better survival odds than your average pointer arithmetic. One minute you're allocating memory like a responsible adult, the next you're plummeting into the abyss of segmentation faults because you forgot a single asterisk! The sheer AUDACITY of C to let you shoot yourself in BOTH feet simultaneously while giving you a gold medal for efficiency. It's the programming equivalent of juggling chainsaws while blindfolded on a unicycle... during a hurricane... that's on fire!

It's the RPG character selection screen nobody asked for but everyone secretly relates to! Choose your programmer archetype: Top left: The Corporate Legacy Warrior - Internet Explorer, Windows Server 2003, and .NET. You've got job security until those legacy systems finally die (which might be never). Top right: The Privacy Paladin - C programming, GNU/Linux, ThinkPads, and Tor. You probably have a Richard Stallman shrine and whisper "proprietary software is theft" in your sleep. Bottom left: The Hipster Bard - HTML5, JS, Apple, Electron, and of course, the mandatory Starbucks coffee. Your apps are bloated but your Instagram is fire. Bottom right: The Hardcore Wizard - Arch Linux, Monster Energy, mechanical keyboards, and 300 commits per day. You've been coding since 12 and think sleep is optional. The real question isn't which class you are, but which one you'll admit to being in public.

The beautiful art of recursive self-torture. The function why_are_you_hitting_yourself() calls itself inside its own definition, creating an infinite loop of self-abuse that would make any compiler cry. Then main() joins the party by calling it too. It's the programming equivalent of that childhood game where your older sibling grabs your hand and makes you slap your own face while asking "why are you hitting yourself?" Except in this case, the function is both the bully and the victim. Infinite recursion without a base case - because who needs stack memory anyway?

The transformation your face undergoes after coding in different languages is apparently a scientific fact now. C++ turns you into a sleep-deprived wreck because memory management is basically self-torture. JavaScript makes you look like you've seen things that can't be unseen—probably undefined is not a function at 3 AM. Java gives you that corporate drone glow-up where you're simultaneously dead inside but professionally presentable. And then there's Python... making developers look suspiciously happy, like they actually had time to shower and sleep because they wrote in 10 lines what took others 200. Choose your programming language, choose your mugshot.

The biblical apocalypse had four horsemen, but developers face their own nightmarish quartet! The first horseman, NullPointerException , strikes when you least expect it—trying to use an object that doesn't exist. The second, Segmentation Fault , is that memory-mangling monster that crashes your C/C++ program faster than you can say "core dump." Third comes Merge Conflict , turning your Git workflow into a battlefield of incompatible changes. But the most terrifying horseman? " It works on my machine "—the ghostly specter of environment-specific bugs that magically disappear during demos but return to haunt production. These four harbingers of doom have ended more coding sessions than caffeine crashes ever could!

C++ and Python walk into a bar. C++ asks Python its name, then immediately realizes its mistake. Meanwhile, C++ crashes spectacularly with a segmentation fault when asked the same question, spewing memory addresses and error codes like it's having an existential crisis. Python just smugly says "Python!" because it doesn't have to worry about pointer arithmetic or memory management. And that, friends, is why some of us choose languages that don't make us debug core dumps at 2PM on a Friday.