Include Linalg... In The Next Decade

A beautiful philosophical journey through programming history that somehow ends up blaming AI for creating "vibe coding" bros who will inevitably bring about the apocalypse. The chain goes: C language → good times → Python → AI → vibe coding (you know, that thing where people just throw prompts at ChatGPT and pray) → weak men → bad times → strong men. And we're back to square one. The real kicker? We're currently somewhere between "AI creates vibe coding" and "weak men creates bad times," which means we're all just waiting for the collapse so the next generation of C programmers can rise from the ashes and manually manage memory again. Circle of life, baby.

Ah, the classic D&D alignment chart but for programming languages. C++ is the lawful paladin who follows strict rules but will absolutely destroy you with pointer errors when you least expect it. Python sits in neutral good territory – friendly enough but secretly judges you for not using proper indentation. And then there's Perl, the chaotic good wizard who can solve your problem with a one-liner that looks like someone headbutted the keyboard. The middle row is where the shell scripting languages live in various states of neutrality. BASIC exists in true neutral because it's too old to care anymore. The bottom row is where programmers' souls go to die. Assembly is lawful evil because it makes you do everything yourself, but at least it's honest about it. And MALBOLGE? Named after the eighth circle of hell in Dante's Inferno for a reason. It was literally designed to be as difficult as possible to use. Notably absent: JavaScript, which would need its own category somewhere between "chaotic evil" and "eldritch horror beyond human comprehension."

Someone's job security strategy is absolutely chef's kiss . Instead of writing clean, maintainable code, they've created a function that always returns 2, labeled it as "job security," and then made two helper functions that literally copy memory addresses to change the return value. Nothing says "I'll never be fired" like writing code that only you understand and using memcpy() to overwrite function implementations instead of, you know, just changing the original function. Because why write one line of code when you can write twenty that require a hazmat suit to maintain? Bonus points for the "NEVER call this function" comments that scream "I'm the only one who knows which landmines not to step on." Pure evil genius at work here.

C/C++ is like that horror movie villain who keeps coming back no matter how many times you think they're dead. For decades, newer languages have shown up with their fancy garbage collection and memory safety, smugly declaring "this will kill C/C++." Meanwhile, C/C++ is just chilling at its own funeral, pointing at itself and grinning because it knows it'll still be running critical infrastructure when all these trendy languages are long forgotten. The language literally predates the internet and yet somehow still powers it. Try replacing those low-level drivers and operating systems with your shiny new language... I'll wait.

Behold the horrifying family lineage of programming languages! C and C++ started as a respectable couple with just TWO family members. Fast forward a measly 5 years and BOOM—JavaScript appears. But wait for the apocalypse! 60 years later we're drowning in a TSUNAMI of JavaScript frameworks and libraries that have multiplied faster than rabbits on energy drinks! The family tree looks like someone sneezed on a genealogy chart! This is what happens when you let a language created in 10 days reproduce unchecked. The horror! THE HORROR!

The eternal dilemma of debugging memory issues: do you fix it properly (the responsible adult choice) or just throw another malloc() at the problem and pray? Meanwhile, your soul slowly leaves your body after spending 6 hours tracking down a segmentation fault with absolutely no helpful stack trace. That's the special kind of hell reserved for C/C++ developers who forgot to free their memory somewhere 2,000 lines ago. Nothing builds character quite like staring at memory addresses until your eyes bleed!