Cloud Made Me Broke

Ah, the eternal DevOps dilemma! On the left, we have fancy cloud services with their shiny logos and enterprise pricing that makes your CFO cry. On the right, those dusty beige towers sitting under someone's desk that were "temporarily" put there in 2003. The beauty of those floor desktops? They're practically free if you raid the storage closet, they're ALL YOURS (no AWS outage notifications at 2am), and that sweet, sweet fan noise that sounds like a jet engine during compile time. Who needs expensive white noise machines? Sure, cloud gives you scalability, but nothing scales quite like the pride of telling management "we saved $10k this quarter by using Dave's old gaming PC as our build server."

The joke here is multi-layered, like an onion made of pure irony. Internet Explorer, famously the slowest browser known to mankind, has a Twitter handle "@TheFastest" while reporting on an AWS outage. But the real punchline? The tweet is dated April 1st, 2019, has supposedly 94.8M retweets (more than any tweet in history), and Internet Explorer wouldn't even know about an outage until three years after it was fixed. It's like watching a tortoise report breaking news.

Oh. My. GOD. The cosmic horror of realizing your entire infrastructure runs on a single AWS region! That poor astronaut just discovered the terrifying truth - the entire planet's digital existence balances precariously on us-east-1 , the AWS region that brings the internet to its knees whenever it sneezes. Meanwhile, his colleague behind him is like "Yeah honey, welcome to DevOps hell. Did you think those 3 AM pager alerts were for fun?" The ultimate existential crisis isn't alien life or the meaning of existence - it's learning your fate is tied to Virginia server farms!

Nothing destroys your financial stability quite like AWS charging you by the millisecond for that cursor blinking on your EC2 instance. One minute you're debugging, the next you're selling your kidney on the black market because you forgot to terminate that "unlimited" resource. The cloud doesn't rain money—it vacuums it directly from your bank account. Next time just stick to Notepad++ like a reasonable poverty-avoiding human.

Content What are the 7 deadly sins of programming? John Purcell. Creator of CaveOfProgramming.com Updated Dec 2, 2017 Upvoted by Les Howie, Software professional for 40 years. and Hasib Al Muhaimin, IOl participant '13, '14, '15, ACM-ICPC World Finalist 2016 Author has 5.9k answers and 9.3m answer views 1. Using spaces instead of tabs. You should always, always use tabs, not spaces. 2. Using tabs instead of spaces. You should always, always use spaces, not tabs. 3. Not using auto-formatting. Forget all that tabsspaces rubbish, what's wrong with you - auto-format your code and then people won't have to look at vour weird ideas about brackets and spaces. 4. Using IDEs, which have features such as auto-formatting and nicely- coloured buttons. All code should be written in vi or Emacs, thus ensuring the purity of the programming experience. 5. Not using IDEs. No-one wants to pay for all the time it's going to take you to type things that you could have done at the click of a button, or scroll up and down using some ridiculous key combination invoked using LISP. 6. Failing to learn C and C. It's really important to learn the two absolute essential languages. You think Java is just as good? Fine, write me a real- time control system for racing cars in Java and I'll believe you. 7. Learning C or C when you could be using something modern like Java instead. Admit it - all your schedules involving C or C overrun by five years. And even then the software turns out to have critical flaws that Java would not even have allowed you to create. 8. Overrunning the end of an array. 356.1k views View 11.9k Upvoters View Sharers

Nothing says "enterprise reliability" quite like AWS failing to collect 82 cents and sending you a formal email about it. The irony here is chef's kiss—a company that hosts Netflix, NASA, and probably your startup's MVP can't process a payment under a dollar. Meanwhile, their URLs are still using template variables like ${AWSConsoleURL} in production emails, which is either a hilarious oversight or they're charging you extra to render those variables. The "Thank you for your continued interest in AWS" at the end really seals the deal. Yeah, not like I have a choice when you're literally running my entire infrastructure. It's giving "we know you can't leave us" energy. That 82 cents probably cost them more in engineering time to send this email than the actual charge was worth.