Marge Sort

Moore's Law—the sacred prophecy that transistor density would double every two years—has been the tech industry's comfort blanket since 1965. But now? The universe has BETRAYED us. Physics decided to show up to the party and ruin everything with its "laws of thermodynamics" and "quantum tunneling limitations." Programmers everywhere are having a full-blown existential crisis because they can no longer rely on hardware magically getting faster to compensate for their bloated code. The sheer AUDACITY of reality refusing to keep up with our demands for infinite performance improvements! Now we actually have to *gasp* optimize our code and write efficient algorithms instead of just waiting two years for Intel to save us. The horror. The absolute tragedy of it all.

Ah, JavaScript's default sorting—where even emoji faces aren't safe from algorithmic bias. The code innocently calls sort() on an array of diverse face emojis, but without a compare function, JS sorts by Unicode values. Somehow the browser decided to arrange them by skin tone from lightest to darkest. Not exactly what the developer intended, but a perfect example of why you should always specify your sorting criteria. Remember kids: computers don't understand social context—they just follow instructions, however problematic the results may be.

Relationship saved by a zero-indexing technicality. The girlfriend thinks she's second place, but in most programming languages arrays start at index 0, making index 1 actually the second element. So while she thinks she's getting a compliment about being his #1 interest, she's technically his #2. Programmer gets to keep coding and girlfriend. Mission accomplished without a single git conflict.

Binary search requires a sorted array to work. A linked list? Sure, you can traverse to the middle element, but you just burned O(n) time getting there. Then you do it again. And again. Congratulations, you've just reinvented linear search with extra steps and way more complexity. The junior dev technically knows what binary search is, which is more than some can say. But applying it to a linked list is like bringing a Ferrari to a swamp—impressive knowledge, terrible execution. At least they're learning the hard way that data structures matter just as much as algorithms. Give it a few more code reviews and they'll get there.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of comparing accountants to data scientists! 💅 Just because someone can stare at spreadsheets until their eyeballs bleed doesn't make them a data scientist! The accountant in this image is LITERALLY drowning in columns of dollar amounts while Excel has become their prison and spreadsheets their wallpaper. Meanwhile, actual data scientists are out there building neural networks and pretending they understand what their algorithms are doing! The identity crisis is REAL, people! Next thing you know, my mom who makes pivot tables in Excel will start calling herself a "machine learning engineer." THE HORROR!

When someone tells you to apologize 1000 times, most people would groan and give up. But programmers? They just write a loop for that. This dev took the instruction to "Say it 1000 times" quite literally by crafting a Java program with a for loop that prints "Sorry babu" exactly 1000 times. Why waste your breath when you can automate your remorse? Efficiency at its finest—relationship problems solved with a runtime of O(n)!