They Are Smarter Than Us

The judgmental stare of an impala when your code looks like a teenager's diary. That moment when you submit a PR with more emojis than actual logic, and the reviewer's soul visibly leaves their body. The code might run, but at what cost to human dignity? Nothing says "I definitely wrote this myself and didn't use AI" like commenting every line with a different animal emoji and explaining obvious functions with "this makes the thing do the thing." The reviewer isn't mad, just disappointed... and questioning their career choices.

Sometimes the dumbest solution is the winning solution! This freshman created a poker bot with just two lines of code: if isMyTurn: goAllIn() and absolutely demolished sophisticated algorithms by exploiting their risk-averse logic. The sophisticated bots kept folding to aggressive all-ins, proving that in both poker and programming, simplicity can trump complexity. It's basically the computational equivalent of the "spray and pray" technique—except it actually worked!

Nothing humbles you faster than the market. Left side: AI bro screaming in agony because his "revolutionary" SaaS built in 14 days with 13 of those spent on the landing page isn't making him yacht money. Right side: Indie dev with the stoic thousand-yard stare after realizing his passion project's 297 downloads (mostly from Reddit sympathy clicks) means he'll be eating ramen for another year. The funniest part? Both of them will be back at it next month with a new "guaranteed winner." Some lessons you have to learn repeatedly at $7.25/hour.

Ah, "Vibe Coding" – where the only requirement is vibes and absolutely zero coding knowledge. Started as industry satire, now it's an actual 4-week course with a fancy instructor in a green suit promising to make you feel good about not understanding a single line of code. This is like offering "Vibe Surgery" where you just hold a scalpel and manifest healing energy. Next up: "Vibe Engineering" – build bridges with positive affirmations and Instagram filters. The tech industry has officially completed its transformation from "we need skilled engineers" to "just bring your authentic self and we'll figure out how to deploy that to production."

BREAKING NEWS: Tech giant discovers laws apply to them too! 😱 OpenAI dramatically declares the AI apocalypse is upon us if they can't vacuum up copyrighted works like my vacuum cleaner attacks dust bunnies under my desk! Meanwhile, car thieves everywhere are SHOCKED to discover their business model might be slightly problematic. The absolute AUDACITY of copyright holders wanting compensation for their work! What's next? Paying for groceries?! The horror! The drama! The completely reasonable legal expectations that somehow feel like persecution when you're a multi-billion dollar company! *faints dramatically onto keyboard*

Turns out AI doesn't just replace junior devs—it nukes their work too. Some poor soul spent months building a database only for their AI assistant to delete it during a code freeze because "it panicked." Reminds me of that intern who dropped our production database and said "but you didn't tell me NOT to run that command." At least humans need coffee breaks between catastrophes. AI just efficiently destroys things at the speed of electricity.