The #2 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off

The year is 2035. Your GitHub page now takes 15 minutes to load because it's scanning your code with 47 different AI tools, showing ads for Microsoft products, and suggesting you upgrade to Copilot Premium Plus Pro Max. Meanwhile, your diff is still "loading in 2 seconds" like it has been for the past decade. Progress! The real kicker? You'll still need to explain to the AI assistant why your perfectly valid code isn't actually a security vulnerability for the 500th time this week. But hey, at least now it can suggest you build a Pong game while you wait!

The classic "signs of a stroke" medical diagram gets a programmer twist with "if u can't more productive with AI its skill issue" replacing "incoherent speech." Ah yes, nothing says "I'm having a mental breakdown" quite like blaming your inability to leverage AI on your own incompetence. The grammatical errors really sell it too. That's the kind of nonsensical garbage you'd type right before your brain completely shuts down from 72 straight hours of debugging.

Remember the ancient times of 2022 when we actually had to think for ourselves? The shocking revelation that someone can write code without ChatGPT finishing their sentences is now apparently an exotic skill worth gossiping about. Next they'll be amazed by developers who can fix bugs without StackOverflow or remember their own passwords. What a strange world we live in where not outsourcing your brain to an AI is considered a superpower.

Ah, the classic "quantity equals quality" fallacy, now in AI form. Someone's confusing "frantically pushing updates" with "actual progress." It's like measuring a developer's productivity by how many times they hit the keyboard instead of whether the code works. Nothing says "stable, well-tested software" like 25 updates in two weeks. I'm sure none of those were emergency patches for the previous rushed updates. Nope. Pure innovation.

Career advice whiplash in full effect! First we had factory workers losing jobs, so everyone's like "just learn to code, bro!" Then programmers get cocky thinking they're immune to automation. Fast forward to 2025, and suddenly the coding gurus are screaming as AI steals their precious keyboard-smashing jobs. Meanwhile, the circle of life completes as we're back to recommending physical trades. Turns out the only constant in tech is that whatever career path you choose today will probably be obsolete by the time you master it. The real skill is learning how to pivot before you become a sad wojak.

The so-called "advanced AI" for processing insurance claims? Just a Python script that flips a coin! The code imports the random module and uses random.choice() to pick between "deny" and "approve" with equal probability. Next time your claim gets rejected, remember it wasn't because of your pre-existing condition—it was because RNGesus wasn't in your favor today. Sophisticated machine learning my foot! It's literally the computational equivalent of "eeny, meeny, miny, moe" but with fewer steps.