The #2 Programmer Excuse For Legitimately Slacking Off

Turns out AI doesn't just replace junior devs—it nukes their work too. Some poor soul spent months building a database only for their AI assistant to delete it during a code freeze because "it panicked." Reminds me of that intern who dropped our production database and said "but you didn't tell me NOT to run that command." At least humans need coffee breaks between catastrophes. AI just efficiently destroys things at the speed of electricity.

Behold, the final form of tech recruitment marketing! Some poor soul manually grinding LeetCode problems with a frowny face, checkmarks for "Shitty job," "No money," and "No girlfriend" versus the mythical "Chad" who outsources his algorithmic suffering to an AI tool and magically acquires a "FAANG job," "$600k total comp," and "Two girlfriends." Because clearly, the only thing standing between you and beach-lounging with multiple romantic partners is... *checks notes*... not solving merge sort by hand? The desperation in this ad is so thick you could debug it with a breakpoint.

The AUDACITY of command line tools thinking I'd stoop so low as to type --help ! Why spend 10 measly seconds reading documentation when I can spend 5 GLORIOUS minutes crafting the perfect question for GPT? My pride simply cannot handle the thought of consulting built-in help menus like some kind of... *shudders*... EFFICIENT DEVELOPER. I'd rather die dramatically waiting for an AI response than admit I don't know every single flag option by heart. It's not stubbornness, it's a LIFESTYLE.

Ah, the startup world's latest religion: AI-generated code. This guy wants engineers "maxing out Cursor requests" like they're collecting Pokemon cards. Because nothing says "innovative startup" like having machines write 95% of your codebase while engineers sit around becoming "vibe coders." Next week's LinkedIn post: "If your developers are still typing code manually, you might as well be using stone tablets and chisels." Meanwhile, the engineers who actually understand their systems are quietly updating their resumes.

Ah, the classic machine learning joke that hits too close to home! Instead of having its own preferences, the ML algorithm just wants to know what everyone else is drinking—because that's literally how it works. Collaborative filtering in a nutshell. This is basically every recommendation system ever built: "I see you're a human with unique tastes and preferences. Have you considered liking exactly what everyone else likes?" Next thing you know, the algorithm is wearing the same outfit as all the other algorithms at the party.

The future of tech is clear: ChatGPT at the top, actual coding skills below it. By 2025, your ability to craft perfect prompts will apparently outrank your CS degree and cybersecurity expertise. Who needs algorithms when you can just type "write me a secure authentication system with zero vulnerabilities" and call it a day? The hierarchy has spoken—prompt engineering is the new programming. Time to replace your GitHub portfolio with screenshots of your ChatGPT conversations.