Companies In 2025 Be Like

Remember when FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) was the cool kids club of tech companies everyone wanted to work for? Well, times change. Now it's GAYMAN - Google, Amazon, Y (probably meant to be Yelp or Y Combinator), Meta (formerly Facebook), Apple, Nvidia. The real joke is how we developers keep creating acronyms for companies that would replace us with an AI in a heartbeat. The irony that Nvidia - the company powering the AI revolution - is now in the club isn't lost on me. Six-figure salaries and free snacks though, so who's complaining?

Ancient Egyptians built massive pyramids with nothing but stone tools and manpower. Meanwhile, modern developers need sixteen JavaScript frameworks, three cloud subscriptions, and a $3000 MacBook Pro with 64GB RAM just to center a div. And they still complain about the Wi-Fi being slow.

That moment when your AI model is just a hammer repeatedly hitting itself until it gets a reward. Basically how most machine learning projects go in production - smack things randomly until something works, then call it "intelligence." The neural network doesn't understand the problem, it just knows that hitting the nail sometimes makes the treats appear.

Just what we needed - startups promising to swap our heads like Lego pieces, but can't deliver until "within a decade." Classic tech vaporware with a side of body horror! They'll probably ship the beta with known bugs like "occasional neck disconnection" and "consciousness randomly migrates to the cloud." Meanwhile, their pitch deck shows a 500% growth projection based entirely on VC partners who want spare bodies for when they burn out their current ones. The finest example of "we were so preoccupied with whether we could, we didn't stop to think if we should" since cryptocurrency-powered toasters.

Crypto bros: "LLM token pricing is the future of finance!" Developers: *puts on glasses to see clearly* "Oh, you mean paying $0.0001 per API call until my wallet mysteriously empties after a for-loop gone wrong?" Nothing says "fun game for developers" quite like watching your credit card get charged in real-time while debugging a recursive function. It's just Candy Crush but instead of running out of lives, you're running out of rent money.

Ah, the classic programmer identity crisis. Someone asked for the most useful programming languages for 2025 and got Swift, C++, Go, and JavaScript mixed in with French, Japanese, Arabic, and German. Guess the algorithm can't tell the difference between talking to computers and talking to humans. Probably trained on Stack Overflow comments where both are equally incomprehensible. At least they didn't recommend COBOL - that would've been a real sign of AI hallucination.