AI Funding Needs To Stop

Ah, Microsoft's "advanced AI" for Windows updates - apparently trained on the principle of maximum inconvenience. That code snippet reveals their sophisticated algorithm: if(user.isDoingStuff() && user.hasUnsavedWork()) { update(); } It's like they hired a team of sadists with computer science degrees. "Hey Bob, when should we force updates?" "I dunno, maybe when they're frantically trying to finish something important with a deadline in 5 minutes?" The only thing smoother about these updates is how smoothly they destroy your productivity. Microsoft's version of "AI" is just "Aggravating Interruptions."

The evolution of programming in one image. Top: Linus Torvalds' humble standing desk setup where he created one of the most influential operating systems in history. Bottom: Modern dev with a fancy RGB battlestation whose primary function is to efficiently copy-paste AI-generated code. We went from "I'm going to revolutionize computing" to "let me ask ChatGPT how to center a div" real quick.

The future is now, old man! Someone's shocked that in 2025 some developers still write code without AI assistance, and Kenneth drops the mic with "yeah it's called programming." Remember when we used to solve problems with our brains instead of prompting ChatGPT? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Some devs still have the audacity to use their neurons instead of letting GitHub Copilot write their spaghetti code. The horror! It's like being surprised someone knows how to do math without a calculator. "You mean you're writing SQL queries WITHOUT letting AI hallucinate your database schema? What are you, a caveman?"

When Indeed thinks your software engineering skills make you perfect for managing a fast food joint, but still has the audacity to include a "This is a bad match" button. The irony is delicious – unlike what you'd be serving at El Pollo Loco. The tech industry in 2024: Spend 10 years mastering distributed systems and microservices architecture so you can flip chicken and manage teenagers making minimum wage. But hey, you get to "apply your skills in a new industry" – because apparently writing code and cooking poultry require the same skill set!

Oh. My. GOD. JetBrains is having a FULL BREAKDOWN begging for your subscription money! 😭 They're literally CRYING and saying their AI can't survive on scraped public code alone! The DRAMA! The DESPERATION! The EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION! It's like watching your ex text you at 2am: "please bro, our AI depends on your pro code, bro..." HONEY, GET SOME DIGNITY! 💅 Next they'll be sending voice messages sobbing about how they named their AI after you!

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of claiming ChatGPT as your programming language! 😱 This is like saying "I'm a chef" because you can microwave a Hot Pocket! The sheer DRAMA of getting choked out by your fellow developers for the coding equivalent of saying you're fluent in Google Translate! The modern developer's existential crisis in three acts: claim to be a programmer, name AI as your language, get absolutely DEMOLISHED by the programming community. Chef's kiss to whoever made this masterpiece of tech industry trauma.