Does Your Network Even Vibe

Behold, the tech prophet who ascended to startup glory without understanding a single line of code! The AI startup ecosystem in 2023 is basically just throwing bearded men in togas at venture capitalists. "What's your tech stack?" "Uhhh... vibes?" Meanwhile, actual engineers who've spent decades learning complex algorithms are watching these AI-whisperers raise millions while not knowing GPT from a hole in the ground. Silicon Valley's newest business model: look wise, say "disruption" occasionally, and let the funding rain down upon your magnificent beard. The ancient Greeks had oracles, we have AI founders who let the machines do all the thinking.

Normal humans click YouTube links with the carefree abandon of someone who's never heard of tracking algorithms. Meanwhile, programmers are over here performing digital forensics before every click, paranoid that the recommendation algorithm is secretly building a psychological profile. The incognito tab isn't just a browser feature—it's our tinfoil hat against the machine learning overlords. Because nothing says "professional paranoia" like treating a cat video recommendation like a potential security breach.

OH SWEET MOTHER OF LEGACY CODE! On one side, IBM is using AI to translate ancient COBOL spells into modern Java incantations. On the other, some government agency named DOGE (not the meme, sadly) wants to rewrite MILLIONS of lines of Social Security code in MONTHS?! 😱 This is like watching two different approaches to defusing a nuclear bomb - one careful robot surgeon vs. a toddler with safety scissors and a "can-do" attitude. The entire financial future of American retirees hanging in the balance because someone thought "Hey, let's just YOLO this 60-year-old codebase real quick!" I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it! For the uninitiated: COBOL is that programming language your grandpa used that refuses to die because it runs basically EVERYTHING important - banks, airlines, and yes, your social security checks. It's the digital equivalent of those load-bearing walls you definitely shouldn't knock down during your weekend renovation project.

Remember when we used to write our own algorithms? Now we're just watching ChatGPT and Deepseek haul our careers up the mountain while we take a nap in the sleeping bag of obsolescence. And the worst part? We have the audacity to brag about our "productivity" like we actually did something impressive. "Look how far I climbed" – yeah buddy, you typed a prompt and took a coffee break while the AI did all the heavy lifting. The only muscle you've exercised is your index finger hitting Ctrl+V.

When GitHub Copilot writes your resume for you and decides to include a confession. Nothing says "hire me" quite like letting your AI assistant admit you're "not a good programmer" right after listing all your skills. At least the Tab Accept button is right there to quickly embrace your new identity crisis.

Oh, the eternal job security of dealing with clients who say they want a "simple website" but actually mean "Facebook but better" with a budget of $200. The AI apocalypse might be coming for some jobs, but programmers can sleep soundly knowing that no robot will ever decipher "make it pop" or "I'll know what I want when I see it." Our superpower isn't coding—it's somehow building functional software from requirements that change faster than JavaScript frameworks.