More Like Marathon

Nothing ages a developer quite like an agile project. You start all fresh-faced and optimistic at kickoff, convinced you'll build something revolutionary in two-week sprints. Three months later, you're a hollow shell muttering "that's out of scope" in your sleep while staring at a burndown chart that only goes up. The transformation from "we can do anything!" to "please just let this end" happens faster than a Node.js deprecation cycle.

The bell curve of developer intelligence strikes again! This meme shows the classic horseshoe theory of programming wisdom: both the blissfully ignorant junior (IQ 55) and the enlightened senior architect (IQ 145) agree that single-file microservices are the way to go. Meanwhile, the mid-level developers with their "Hexagonal Architecture, DDD, Layers of Responsibility" are sweating bullets trying to impress everyone with overcomplicated design patterns. It's the circle of developer life - you start by writing spaghetti code in one file because you don't know better, then you discover "best practices" and create 47 interfaces for a CRUD app, and finally you realize that simplicity was the answer all along. The true galaxy brain move is calling your 2000-line Python script a "microservice" and deploying it to production on Friday afternoon.

Death comes for us all, but even the Grim Reaper has standards. "Leave NOTHING unfinished" isn't just a threat—it's a cosmic punishment for developers who skip documentation. The true horror isn't dying—it's being forced to spend eternity writing docs for all those "we'll document it later" functions that somehow shipped to production. That commit message with "///To Be Written" might as well be your tombstone.

Ah, the classic tale of software development dysfunction! The requirements doc and production code staring at each other like total strangers at a party, despite supposedly being intimately related. One says "No" while the other confidently declares "Yes" - a perfect representation of that moment when stakeholders ask if what was built matches what was requested. The requirements doc is in complete denial while the code is living in its own fantasy world. It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature! Or more accurately, it's a documented feature that nobody bothered to implement correctly. The eternal disconnect between theory and practice, much like my relationship with my gym membership.

When your PR shows "-9,953" lines of code and your manager gives you a thumbs up. Nothing says "senior developer" like knowing what code not to write. The most efficient code is the code that doesn't exist. Somewhere a project manager is frantically updating their burndown chart while wondering how to report "negative progress" to stakeholders.

The classic project management fallacy, illustrated with surgical precision. Just because nine women can't deliver a baby in one month doesn't stop project managers from thinking nine developers can deliver a project nine times faster. It's the same energy as believing you can dig a hole faster by hiring people who've never seen a shovel. Brooks' Law sends its regards - adding more people to a late project just makes it later. Next up: Project Manager discovers that two pizzas don't feed twenty people in half the time!