This Will Work... Once

OH MY GOD, Microsoft is going FULL MEDIEVAL on us! The Windows 10 support guillotine is about to drop, and Microsoft is standing there in LITERAL ARMOR demanding we upgrade to Windows 11 or PERISH in digital flames! 💀 Meanwhile, millions of us are barricading ourselves behind our perfectly functional Windows 10 systems, screaming "YOU'LL PRY THIS OS FROM MY COLD, DEAD HARD DRIVE!" The drama is just TOO MUCH. Microsoft as Stannis Baratheon is the crossover nobody asked for but absolutely deserved. And honestly? The thought of upgrading to an OS that requires TPM 2.0 just to check emails makes me want to throw my computer into the sea and become a shepherd.

The eternal optimism of creating a "Tomorrow" folder for downloads you'll definitely get to... someday. Meanwhile, that Windows 8 theme pack has been sitting there since approximately the Jurassic period. Procrastination level: expert. The folder even has the audacity to only contain one item, like it's judging your life choices. At least the "NotMyFault" folder in last week is aptly named.

The unsolicited evangelism of Linux users is legendary. There you are, quietly using Windows, perhaps even enjoying it, when suddenly a wild Linux enthusiast appears, ready to deliver a 45-minute TED talk on why your OS choice is fundamentally flawed and how you could achieve digital enlightenment if only you'd embrace the terminal. It's the tech equivalent of vegans or CrossFit enthusiasts—they simply cannot comprehend that you haven't converted yet. Meanwhile, Windows users are just trying to open Excel without being lectured about the moral superiority of open-source software and the evils of corporate overlords. The irony? The Linux user's passionate sermon about freedom usually comes with the unspoken demand that you surrender your freedom to choose Windows.

Content There's a new update! But there are a few unsaved projects and you are gone for, like, five minutes now. May I update and restart anyway? 1'1I take that as a yes. LOLNEIN.com

The trillion-dollar financial industry, with all its complex algorithms and fancy trading platforms, still ultimately depends on a bunch of spreadsheets held together by duct tape and prayers. Nothing quite captures the fragility of modern capitalism like knowing your retirement fund is probably being managed by some sleep-deprived analyst with 47 Excel tabs open, praying that their VLOOKUP doesn't break. And somewhere, a banker is explaining to investors why their sophisticated risk assessment model is actually just a spreadsheet formula created in 1998.

Content How to fix any computer The Oatmeal Windows Step I. Reboot Apple Step I. Take it to an Apple store. v Did that fix it, No? Proceed to step a Did that fix it; No? Proceed to step a Step a. Format hard drive Reinstall Windows Lose all your files. Quietly weep. Step a. Buy a new Mac. Overdraw your account. Quietly weep. Linux Step I. Learn to code in C. Recompile the kernel. Build your own microprocessor out of spare silicon you had lying around. Recompile the kernel again. Switch distros Recompile the kernel again but this time using a CPU powered by refracted light from Saturn. Grow a giont beard. Blame Sun Microsusters. Turn your bedroom into a server closet and spend ten years falling asleep to the sound of whirring fans. Switch distros again. Abandon all hugene. Write a regular expression that would make other precrammers cry blood. Learn to code in Java Recompile the kernel again Cut thic time while wearing your lucky socks) Did that fix its Nor Proceed to step an Step a. Revert back to using Windows or a Mac. Quietlu weep.