Obsidian Cares About The Sanity Of Its Users

Ah, the sacred scrolls of developer archetypes. The Barbarian who worships C and recites man pages is just your average Unix greybeard who thinks anything after Perl is heresy. The Rogue is basically every crypto bro with questionable ethics and a VPN. Wizards are those mythical 10x developers whose code is so advanced no one can maintain it after they leave. Clerics are the TDD zealots who'd rather write tests than actually ship anything. And Druids? Just sysadmins who've spent so much time in server rooms they've started identifying as network packets. I've worked with all five. The Druid still owes me $20 and insists I call him "FoxTail69" at happy hour.

Sweet mother of backslashes! The absolute AUDACITY of this developer thinking Vim regex and Perl regex are interchangeable! Honey, that's like showing up to a knife fight with a spoon! 💀 The final panel is the regex equivalent of a horror movie jumpscare - that unholy abomination of backslashes would make any text file burst into flames! And a 700MB text file?! Who hurt you?!

Ah, the classic "how to become a hacker" fantasy where knowing Vim is somehow equivalent to martial arts. This satirical masterpiece mocks those cringe-worthy "elite hacker" guides by combining actual technical concepts (DNS, root zones) with absurdly theatrical nonsense. The author brilliantly escalates from "learn Vim" to an international conspiracy involving the ICANN key holders (who are real, by the way), then devolves into a fever dream where Linux fanboys throw penguin-shaped ninja stars while Darude's Sandstorm plays dramatically in the background. My favorite part? The Nokia 3310 nunchucks—because nothing says "elite hacker" like weaponizing indestructible phones from 2000. It's basically what happens when someone watches Mr. Robot after chugging five Red Bulls and falling asleep with their mechanical keyboard as a pillow.

The Vim escape ritual—where senior devs casually drop the ":q!" bomb like it's nothing while junior devs watch in horror. That command is basically the developer equivalent of walking away from an explosion without looking back. No saving, no mercy, just pure chaotic energy. The juniors sit there wondering if this person has no fear of losing work or if they've ascended to some higher plane of existence where code is temporary but swagger is forever.

The keyboard is literally on FIRE because some poor soul has been frantically smashing EVERY. SINGLE. KEY. trying to escape the black hole that is Vim! 😱 Notice how the Escape key is glowing red hot from desperation, while the ":wq" sequence (the actual way to save and quit) remains untouched in its pristine glory. It's the digital equivalent of being trapped in a room where the exit sign is written in ancient hieroglyphics while you're busy trying to headbutt through the walls! The sheer PANIC radiating from this keyboard is sending me into hysterics. The ultimate developer rite of passage - not knowing how to exit Vim and contemplating a career change mid-keystroke!

The first time you press 'S' in Vim and see %appdata% appear instead of actually saving your file is like piloting a military helicopter without training. You're staring at cryptic screens wondering why your simple command just launched what feels like nuclear codes. Ten years into my career and I still sometimes exit Vim by rebooting the entire server. Honestly, whoever designed Vim's interface probably also designs airplane cockpits for fun on weekends.