Yet They Still Don't Work

Content Programmer - Translation Guide What Progammers Say What Progammers Mean Horrible hack Horrible hack that I didn't write Temporary workaround Horrible hack that I wrote It's broken There are bugs in your code It has a few issues obscure There are bugs in my code Someone else's code doesn't have comments Self-documenting My code doesn't have comments That's why it's an awesome It's my favorite language and it's really easy to language do something in it You're thinking in the It's my favourite language and it's really hard wrong mindset to do something in it I can read this Perl script I wrote this Perl script I can't read this Perl script I didn't write this Perl script Bad structure Complex structure Someone else's code is badly organised My code is badly organised Bug Out of scope The absence of a feature I like The absence of a feature I don't like Clean solution It works and I understand it We need to rewrite it It works but I don't understand it emacs is better than vi vi is better than emacs It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war IMHO You are wrong Legacy code It works, but no one knows how X Cquit ESCIESCTC I don't know how to quit vi Suboptimal implementation The worst errors ever inflicted on humankind That can't be done It can be done, but it's boring and I don't want to do it No problem, people do this all the time. It's an easy fix. You might be the most idiotic person I've ever encountered Put that bug in the backlog Let's agree nobody ever mentions it again and with low priority ppl who do, will be shot These test environments are too brittle Proof-of-Concept Works on my machine. Have you tried restarting it? What I wrote Perfect solution How Sales Marketing are promoting it

Ah yes, the two types of developers in their natural habitat. One proudly declares "I'm merging it. fuck the tests" with the confidence of someone who's about to create tomorrow's emergency hotfix. Then there's the reply guy claiming "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." This is the software development equivalent of saying "helmets are for cowards" while riding a motorcycle blindfolded. Future you will be sending past you very strongly worded Slack messages at 2AM when production catches fire.

Oh the duality of debugging! 🔍 When we spot bugs in someone else's code, we're like master detectives gently pointing out their flaws with surgical precision. But when it's OUR OWN code? Suddenly we transform into rage-filled monsters questioning our entire existence! Every developer has experienced this Jekyll and Hyde transformation - calm and collected for others, absolute chaos for ourselves. The self-roast is REAL in this profession! Nothing humbles you faster than your own buggy code staring back at you like "remember when you thought you were smart?" 😂

You know that split second between hovering over "Commit and Push" and actually clicking it? That's when your entire life flashes before your eyes. Did you test it? Nope. Did you write tests? Absolutely not. Did you even read what you changed? Who has time for that? But here you are, about to yeet your code directly into production because you're 90% sure it works and honestly, that's better odds than most things in life. The "Commit and Push" button is basically the programming equivalent of "do you feel lucky, punk?" and the answer is always a confident "probably?" The sweaty guy on the phone perfectly captures that moment when you realize your push is going straight to main branch and there's no staging environment to catch your mistakes. Time to grip those armrests and hope your regex didn't just delete the entire user database.

Content How much code coverage do we have ? We don't write tests

Content IE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE, YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE FRIENDS. V310 0307 Generic Cylinder 7 Misfire Detected OBDII This is a V6???? DIC VIN imgflip.com