Life hacks!

Ah, the classic "we want to exploit you but make it sound like opportunity" post. This CTO thinks wanting a guaranteed salary is a red flag, but his actual red flags are waving harder than a windmill in a hurricane: ✅ "Lines of code" as a performance metric ✅ Gamified "leaderboard" to pit devs against each other ✅ Mocking stable income as "playing it safe" ✅ Expecting "tens of thousands of lines per day" (physically impossible) ✅ Belittling testing and maintainable code Translation: "I want desperate coders who'll work 80-hour weeks chasing a bonus they'll never quite reach while I pay them peanuts." After 20 years in this industry, I've learned that any company measuring productivity by line count is where good code goes to die. The truly elite developers I know write less code, not more.

Content Programmer: Please insert an integer User: "Sixty-four"

Content Imperative stoneager Uses sed, awk, grep... on a daily TASTES 3 character long variable names "00P is literally Hitler" Never bashes rychon or Javascript. proudly uses them to make elitists Wrote 95 of all programs that power the modern world Doesn't care what OS or editor hee MIs main machine nappens to be a 2013 MacbOOk Air he got as a git Writes his own software runctiona elitist Watches Computerphile, thinks it's accuac programming "Monad g000" "Lazy evaluation good" "Loop bad" "Mutate bad" "Imperative not elegant" writes code on paper to avoid side effects Responsible or 0 lines or code in produccion Uses Emacs with a light theme on an oLd Debian machine Uses software written by imperative stoneager 00P boilerplater -obsessed newager His job consists of writing the same boilerplate code every single day and he LOVES it "Rust will replace C and C" Always includes a safety section in his documentation Watches Bob Martin, thinks the quy is a genius "Here is this awesome PR, bro, it replaces vour unsate code with my slow and verbose but safe code" His variable names consist of at easts whole words "Oh, I need an object for this piece of data, let me make a class No support for macOS, but writes an entire page of documentation on how to hack an installation on windows real ack to anticinate all the Best he's ever accomplished is possible scenarios mav or mav not writing a colored version or cat encounter in the far future" and Ls Responsible for 95 of all lines of . Uses Neovin with Grusboy color code in the world scheme on Arch Linux Uses JetBrains IDES on windows Uses bloated proprietary software Mechanical keyboard, 34-inch monitor no zoom when he screencasts, if you can't see too had

Content Kelly Vaughn AB kvlly 34m Roses are red Violets are blue I wouldn't push to production If I were you Happy Friday 9 5 17 23 153 V

Ah, the delicate art of code review diplomacy! When you've spent 3 hours reviewing that 5000-line PR only to discover it's basically a crime against humanity written in syntax. The meme brilliantly captures that internal struggle between professional courtesy and the overwhelming urge to question if your colleague learned programming from a cereal box. The line "Is 'I hope you all die a painful death' too strong?" perfectly encapsulates what every developer thinks after seeing nested if-statements 17 levels deep. Remember folks, there's a fine line between constructive feedback and getting called to HR!

Content When you spend 12hrs tyring to find a bug that throws no errors that you introduced yourself accidentally by rewriting your code to be more "elegant" and eventually revert back to the old way it was written and finally realize why you did it that way, making the entire effort a complete waste of time.