A Simple Spell

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PH spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set ("display errors", true); print '?xmi version"1.o" encoding"UTFg" 7'

Content -ASKING AIRCRAFT DESIGNERS ASKING BUILDING ENGINEERS ABOUT AIRPLANE SAFETY: ABOUT ELEVATOR SAFETY: NOTHING IS EVER FOOLPROOF, ELEVATORS ARE PROTECTED BY BUT MODERN AIRLINERS ARE. MULTIPLE TRIED-AND-TESTED INCREDIBLY RESILIENT. FLYING IS FAILSAFE MECHANISMS. THEY'RE THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL. NEARLY INCAPABLE OF FALLING. . ASKING SOFTWARE ENGINEERS ABOUT COMPUTERIZED VOTING: THAT'S TERRIFYING. WAIT, REALLY? DON'T TRUST VOTING SOfTwArE aND DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU ITS SAFE. WHY? I DON'T QUITE KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS, BUT OUR ENTIRE FIELD IS BAD AT WHAT WE DO, AND IF YOU RELY ON US, EVERYONE WILL DIE. THEY SAY THEY'VE FIXED IT WITH SOMETHING CALLED "BLOCKCHAIN." AAAAA!!! WHATEVER THEY SOLD YOU, DON'T TOUCH IT. BURY IT IN THE DESERT. WEAR GLOVES. ProgrammerHumor. io

The classic case of competence being punished with more work. Dave fixed a bug in one night, so naturally, management's brilliant solution is to dump all future bugs on him. That exhausted cat face says it all—the thousand-yard stare of someone who just realized their efficiency has become their prison sentence. Next time, Dave should consider taking three days and eight coffee breaks to fix that bug. Rookie mistake.

Content FOR 50S I CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT UNIT TESTS 9 gilp.com

Technical debt, visualized. Two bricklayers casually building a wall with a massive structural failure in the middle, yet they're just working around it like nothing's wrong. Classic "ship now, fix later" mentality that haunts codebases everywhere. The architectural equivalent of using duct tape and prayers in production. Future developers will inherit this masterpiece and question their career choices.

Content BACK VOCALIST Gets a fraction of frontman's paycheck Can't take a break during work hours Drinks to forget old memories from work Has to work in synch with frontman Noone will probably notice your mistake BACKENDER Gets roughly the same pay as frontender Seems like he's always on a break drinking coffee Drinks with sysadmin to aquaire old memories from work Can work both synchronous and asynchronous 500 INTERNAL SERVER ERROR