What Have I Done

Content YOUR CODE EATS UP A TON OF MEMORY FOR A SIMPLE TASK MEMORY IS CHEAP

Content PHP BEST PRACTICES PAGE 1. USE SOMETHING ELSE THE END

When your non-tech spouse thinks Googling C++ solutions is "cheating" while you're over here with 47 Stack Overflow tabs open at work. Welcome to programming in the real world, where we don't memorize pointer syntax—we just copy it from the internet like functioning adults. Should someone tell her that's literally the job description?

Left side: A perfectly normal, readable singleton pattern implementation in C#. Nice clean code, proper indentation, sensible variable names. Right side: The C# 8.0 "Gary version" with questionable syntax choices like ? , ??= , and => operators all crammed into one line. The code technically works but looks like someone had a seizure on the keyboard. Gary is the personification of that one developer who uses every new language feature in a single line just because they can. The kitten is cute though, which makes the abomination of code slightly more tolerable.

Ah yes, programming constructs manifested as hardware. Multiple USB adapters stacked like a desperate chain of conditional logic. A power strip with switches for each outlet because sometimes you need fine-grained control. And that power strip eating its own tail? Classic infinite loop - the electricity equivalent of forgetting your exit condition. That extension cord will keep powering itself until the heat death of the universe or your circuit breaker trips, whichever comes first.

Ah, the classic programmer paradox. You claim you don't have impostor syndrome while simultaneously providing irrefutable evidence that you do. It's like saying your code has no bugs while frantically hiding 47 console.log() statements and a TODO comment from 2019. This hits way too close to home. After 20 years in this industry, I still Google basic syntax while leading architecture meetings. We're all just that student who somehow got an honors diploma despite feeling completely illiterate in our own codebase. The difference is we don't sue about it - we just keep collecting those paychecks until someone figures out we're just sophisticated pattern matchers with caffeine dependencies.