The Fundamental Problem With This Industry

Content Kate Temkin ktemkin just saw someone with "uses vil vim" at the end their twitter bio and learned that my brain will try to parse anything with a slash at the end of a bio as pronouns 7:04 PM 101920 Twitter for iPhone

Content der Hausmeister Dear Users These devices have low 10 throughput. If you are making a large bulk insert please be considerate and adjust your batch size to commit multiple transactions. Thank you. The hostmeister

Content Another meeting, that should have been an email ProarammerHumor

Content PYTHON THIS IS PLAGIARISM. YOU CAN'T JUST "IMPORT ESSAY. JAVA T'M TWO PAGES IN AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ASSEMBLY THIS IS GREAT. BUT YOU FORGOT TO ADD A NULL TERMINATOR NOW I'M JUST READING C UNIX SHELL I ASKED FOR ONE COPS LATEX HTML BUT IF'S THE MOST BEAUTFUL THING THINE EVER LAD EYES

The simplicity-to-verbosity pipeline of programming languages in one perfect SpongeBob progression: Python's print - clean, simple, happy SpongeBob energy. Just works! C++'s cout - slightly more complex with those weird << operators, but still manageable. SpongeBob's starting to feel the strain. And then there's Java's System.out.println - the final boss of verbosity that makes you question your life choices. Poor SpongeBob looks like he's having an existential crisis just typing it out. The real nightmare isn't the syntax - it's that someone at Oracle decided "Hey, let's make developers type 21 characters where 5 would do!"

That moment of existential horror when you open up code from six months ago and find your 17-paragraph manifesto explaining a single function. Past you really thought future you would need a dissertation on why you used a for-loop instead of map(). Bonus points if the comment is longer than the actual code and includes phrases like "DO NOT TOUCH THIS OR EVERYTHING WILL EXPLODE" and "I'm so sorry for whoever has to maintain this." Plot twist: it's still you.