The Sedentary Lifestyle Upgrade Package

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When your friend asks you to "just code a simple chess game," and you realize you need to handle every possible board state individually. That's 2.6 million lines of if-else statements because who needs algorithms when you can hardcode each move? The beautiful part is that technically it's an O(1) solution! Chess engines hate this one weird trick - just write out every possible game state and skip all that fancy minimax algorithm nonsense. Bonus: your git commits will make it look like you're the most productive developer in history. "Added support for knight moves - 400,000 lines changed."

The AUDACITY of reality! Top panel: You, blissfully cuddling with adorable Udemy tutorials that whisper sweet nothings like "become a full-stack developer in 12 hours!" Bottom panel: Your soul being VIOLENTLY MAULED by the bear of actual workplace expectations where suddenly you need to understand legacy code written by seven different developers who all HATED each other! That cute little tutorial didn't prepare you for the bloodbath that is production debugging, did it sweetie? 💅

Someone just wrote a Python loop that prints "hip hip" and "hooray" alternately and called it "amazing." That's the coding equivalent of discovering fire in 2023. The code increments a counter and checks if it's odd or even - printing "hip hip" for odd numbers and "hooray" for even ones. The real kicker? The variable 'n' isn't even initialized before they start adding to it. Absolute madlad behavior. Seven years of coding experience and I'm still waiting for my "amazing" badge for writing a basic if-else statement.

Content Using databases to store passwords and usernames Letting users in 70 of the time because statistically passwords are entered correctly 70 of the time