The Digital World Balances On FFmpeg

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Content I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE HATES PHP AND AT THIS POINT I'M TOO AFRAID TO ASK

That moment when your stomach drops through the floor because you just ran DELETE * FROM users without a WHERE clause... on production. No rollback. No backup from the last hour. Just the cold realization that you've nuked actual customer data and your resume is about to get updated. The five stages of database grief hit all at once: denial, anger, bargaining with the database gods, depression, and finally acceptance that you're absolutely screwed. Pro tip: This is why we have staging environments and why BEGIN TRANSACTION exists. Too bad we never use them when we should.

The anime child starts cute and concerned, begging you to stop scrolling. Then transforms into a dead-eyed, traumatized sysadmin with one simple message: "Stop using JavaScript on Server." It's the perfect visualization of what happens when innocent developers discover Node.js and suddenly think running JavaScript on the backend is a good life choice. The soul-crushing reality hits about three months into production when your memory leaks like a colander and async callbacks nest deeper than your existential dread.

HONEY, THE MARKET HAS CHANGED ! 2022 was the golden era when developers were literally DROWNING in job offers! SpongeBob and Patrick swimming in employment bliss while we're out here in 2024 refreshing our inboxes like desperate peasants! The audacity of tech companies to just... stop throwing money at us! I've gone from choosing between FAANG offers to considering if my barista skills are transferable. The tech bubble didn't just burst—it EXPLODED in our faces while we were busy planning which tech company's free lunch menu was superior! 💀

The eternal developer cycle: abandoning a graveyard of unfinished projects to chase the dopamine hit of starting something new. That shiny new project idea looks so promising while you're neck-deep in technical debt and spaghetti code from your previous attempts. "This time I'll use proper documentation! This time I'll write tests first! This time I won't hardcode everything!" Spoiler alert: you won't. But hey, at least the first three days of every new project feel like pure genius before reality sets in.