Poor Kids

God checking in on Earth only to discover his beloved COBOL is no longer the programming superstar?! THE HORROR! 😱 For the uninitiated, COBOL is that ancient programming language from the 1950s that's basically the technological equivalent of a dinosaur that REFUSES to go extinct. It's still running critical financial systems and government infrastructure because apparently rewriting that code would be like trying to perform heart surgery while skydiving. Meanwhile, God's up there clutching his pearls because JavaScript and Python have stolen his thunder. Sorry, big guy, but your precious COBOL is now just the weird grandparent of programming languages that banks can't bear to put in a retirement home!

When someone yells "Is there a doctor?!" at an emergency, they're probably not looking for someone who can debug their code. The CS doctor's solution? Just set the old man's health to 100% like it's a simple property assignment! If only fixing human health was as easy as object.property = value . Unfortunately, human bodies don't respond to direct property manipulation—they require actual medical knowledge. That poor guy is about to find out the hard way that JavaScript can't save lives (unless it's the life of a web application).

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Ah, the sacred tomes of legacy code! A stack of books with the spine message "THESE BOOKS ARE HERE FOR AN ESSENTIAL STRUCTURAL PURPOSE. THEY ARE NOT FOR SALE." is basically the perfect metaphor for that 15-year-old codebase nobody understands but everyone's terrified to touch. Just like these books holding up some mysterious shelf, that spaghetti code written by a developer who left in 2008 is somehow keeping your entire production system from collapsing. Touch it? Refactor it? Don't be ridiculous! It's not meant to be understood—it's meant to be structural . The irony is delicious. We spend years learning clean code principles only to worship at the altar of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" when faced with the ancient scripts. The documentation? Oh, that left with Dave from Engineering years ago.

Behold the perfect metaphor for modern software development! The QA engineer meticulously tests every edge case imaginable - ordering normal beers, zero beers, integer overflow beers, negative beers, and even throwing random garbage at the system. Everything passes with flying colors in the controlled environment. Then a real user shows up with the audacity to ask a simple, completely reasonable question that wasn't in the test plan, and the entire application spontaneously combusts. The gap between "works on my machine" and "works in production" has never been so hilariously deadly. The QA engineer's tombstone will read: "Tested everything except what users actually do."

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of Bogo Sort, the superhero nobody asked for! 💀 This algorithm is literally just shuffling cards until they accidentally fall in order . Seven attempts to sort THREE elements?! I can't even! That's like needing seven tries to put your shoes on the right feet! And the flowchart? Check for sorted → if not, SHUFFLE EVERYTHING and pray to the algorithm gods. That's not a sorting algorithm, that's a gambling addiction with extra steps! The best part? It has "the potential to rival quicksort" in the same way I have the potential to win an Olympic gold medal if they suddenly make procrastination a competitive sport. Theoretical O(1)? Sure, and I'm theoretically dating a supermodel! 🙄