It Is Tired Of Our Bullshit

Turns out those daily stand-ups and sprint retrospectives weren't the silver bullet after all! This headline is the equivalent of telling developers that their religion is false. Watch as Agile evangelists frantically explain how "that's not real Agile" and "you're just doing it wrong" while ignoring the 268% higher failure rate staring them in the face. The irony is delicious - a methodology that promised to save us from waterfall disasters is apparently worse than the thing it was supposed to replace. Meanwhile, project managers everywhere are desperately updating their LinkedIn profiles to remove "Certified Scrum Master" before anyone notices.

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The programmer's emotional roulette wheel has precisely two settings: "I'm a genius" and "I suck." That tiny sliver of genius euphoria comes right after fixing a bug that took 8 hours to solve (which was just a missing semicolon). The massive "I suck" portion represents the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of the day when your code inexplicably breaks after adding a single comment. No middle ground exists in this profession—just the perpetual whiplash between godlike omnipotence and questioning your career choices.

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