I Hate That They Called It That

HONEY, PLEASE! Haskell programmers standing in front of their conspiracy theory walls trying to convince you that monads are "just like burritos" and pure functions are "totally intuitive." Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here writing loops that actually DO something instead of contemplating the philosophical implications of lazy evaluation for eight hours. The mathematical purity is KILLING me! 💀

You know that moment when management decides to "trim the fat" and axes the one person who seemed to do absolutely nothing? Suddenly you realize they were the lightning rod absorbing all the pointless meetings, answering the same Slack questions 47 times, and volunteering for every committee nobody wanted to be on. Now that they're gone, guess who's inheriting their role as the team's designated distraction sponge? Congrats on your promotion to "least productive" – enjoy fielding every "quick question" and "just circling back" message while your actual work rots in your TODO list.

Content Optimistic developer: "This is a common sense feature that doesn't need documentation" End user:

Ah, the eternal struggle between "vibe coding" and actual software engineering. Someone's looking for a fun name for writing code with proper standards and discipline, and the reply just cuts straight to the truth bomb: it's called "software engineering" – you know, that boring thing we were all hired to do before we discovered keyboard RGB lighting and lofi beats to code to. The "Coding with capital C" suggestion is particularly painful because we all know that person who treats variable naming like an existential crisis. Meanwhile, actual production code continues to run on caffeine, Stack Overflow copies, and the tears of whoever has to maintain it next.

Content Hi l heard you're into programming, I have a great idea. made with mematic ProarammerHumor.io

That moment when your "complex engineering production fix" is just deleting an extra space in a YAML file while the entire business watches you like you're performing heart surgery. YAML indentation errors: bringing businesses to their knees since 2001. The best part? You'll still get called a "technical wizard" in the post-incident review meeting.