Every Big Company's Development Philosophy

Content THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY EASY. HOW COME THE ROBOTIC UPRISING USED SPEARS AND ROCKS INSTEAD OF MISSILES AND LASERS? IF YOU LOOK TO HISTORICAL DATA, THE VAST MAJORITY OF BATTLE -WINNERS USED PRE-MODERN WEAPONRY Thanks to machine-learning algorithms, the robot apocalypse was short-lived.

Content my linkedin profile R, python, javascript, shiny, dplyr, purrr, ditto, ggplot, d3, canvas, spark, sawk, pyspark, sparkly, lodash, lazy, bootstrap, jupyter, vulpix, git, flask, numpy, pandas, feebas, scikit, pm, bayes, h2o.ai, sparkling-water, tensorflow, keras, onyx, ekans, hadoop, scala, unity, metapod, gc, cllc, krebase, neoj, hadoop. I typically ask recruiters to point out which of these are pokemon.

The Indiana Jones of software development! Carefully eyeing that golden idol of "existing code" like it's a sacred relic, only to swap it with your "new commit" and trigger the boulder of doom—the linter. That moment when you think you've perfectly calculated the weight of your code replacement, but forgot about those pesky tabs vs spaces arguments. Now you're sprinting through the codebase with angry code reviewers throwing spears at your PR. Should've read the tribe's ancient documentation first!

Content BE README.md Rockstar Rockstar is a dynamically typed Turing-complete programming language. Rockstar is designed for creating computer programs that are also song lyrics, and is heavily influenced by the lyrical conventions of 1980s hard rock and power ballads. But why? Mainly because if we make Rockstar a real (and completely pointless) programming language, then recruiters and hiring managers won't be able to talk about 'rockstar developers' any more. Also 'cos it's kinda fun and any language based on the idea of compiling Meatloaf lyrics has to be worth a look, right? Also we can make stickers. Who doesn't want a sticker on their laptop saying 'CERTIFIED ROCKSTAR DEVELOPER'? ProarammerHumor.io

OH MY GOD! A WHOLE 500 LINES OF CODE?! IN A VEHICLE?! *faints dramatically* Meanwhile, every developer is staring at their million-line codebase thinking, "That's cute, my coffee machine has more code than your entire car." The absolute AUDACITY to call 500 lines "complex" when modern web browsers contain more code than the entire history of transportation combined. This ad is the programming equivalent of someone bragging about their "extreme" workout routine of walking up a single flight of stairs. 💀

Content DevOps Dan scripticles one of our developers left this some time before he took a job elsewhere programming I Happy debugging, suckers define true (rand() 10)