Oncall Memes

Posts tagged with Oncall

The Universal Scapegoat

The Universal Scapegoat
The universal scapegoat has arrived! Nothing says "not my problem" like blaming AWS for literally everything that breaks. On-call engineers have mastered the art of deflection with that smug "sorry, can't help" smile while your production site is burning to the ground. The best part? Nobody can prove them wrong because AWS status page will eventually show some obscure service in us-east-1 having "elevated error rates" approximately 6 hours after your CEO has already sent angry texts.

The Perfect On-Call Excuse

The Perfect On-Call Excuse
The universal get-out-of-jail-free card for on-call engineers everywhere! When AWS went down yesterday, every developer suddenly had the perfect excuse to dodge responsibility. "Sorry boss, can't fix that critical bug... it's an AWS problem." *smug face* Meanwhile, you're just chilling on the couch, secretly grateful that for once, it's actually someone else's infrastructure to blame. The sweet relief when the biggest cloud provider becomes the scapegoat and you can finally get some sleep instead of debugging your own spaghetti code at 2 AM.

We Log Everything

We Log Everything
Every dev team meeting ever: "We need comprehensive logging for troubleshooting!" Fast forward three months, and your production server is churning out 20GB of logs daily that nobody ever looks at until something explodes. The uncomfortable silence when someone asks about your log monitoring strategy is the same silence you hear when asking who's been reviewing the 8,432 Dependabot PRs from last month. The real senior dev move? Grep through 10 million lines at 3AM while muttering "I know it's in here somewhere" as the CEO keeps texting for updates.

The First Rule Of IT: Never Jinx A Quiet Day

The First Rule Of IT: Never Jinx A Quiet Day
Every IT professional knows that sacred pre-holiday silence. The production server is humming peacefully, tickets are minimal, and you're counting down minutes until freedom. Then some rookie mentions "Wow, it's really quiet today!" and suddenly three critical systems crash simultaneously. It's like invoking a demonic ritual. The first and only commandment of IT: Never acknowledge the calm before you're safely at home with your phone on silent and laptop firmly closed.

The Oncall Transformation: Before And After

The Oncall Transformation: Before And After
The fresh-faced junior dev who believed the lie that "oncall isn't too bad" has clearly been transformed into a shell of his former self. Those promised "runbooks" for another team's systems? Yeah, they're either wildly outdated or just a single README file saying "good luck!" This is what happens when you're woken up at 3AM by cryptic alerts for systems you've never seen before, while the senior devs who actually built the monstrosity are peacefully sleeping with their phones on silent. The only documentation? A Confluence page last updated in 2019 that just says "TODO: finish documentation".