Message queue Memes

The descending brain power meme format perfectly captures the devolution of message queue solutions. RabbitMQ? Sure, solid choice. PostgreSQL as a queue? Questionable but functional. In-memory struct? Getting sketchy. But using Google Sheets as a message queue? That's galaxy brain territory right there. Someone out there is polling a spreadsheet every 500ms and calling it "distributed architecture." The API rate limits are just natural backpressure, obviously. Franz Kafka didn't write about existential dread and bureaucratic nightmares for us to turn collaborative spreadsheets into event streaming platforms, yet here we are.

Microservices architects watching their monolith burn while explaining message queues is peak chaotic energy. Just like the Joker, they don't care about your synchronous API calls—they just want to watch the system decouple in glorious asynchronous flames. The real punchline? When everything crashes because someone forgot to set up a dead letter queue. Some developers just want to watch the world burn... one RabbitMQ message at a time.

DARLING, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE MOST DRAMATIC PLOT TWIST IN SOFTWARE ENGINEERING HISTORY! 💅 Kafka 2.0: "Zero retries is fine, sweetie. If a message fails, just let it DIE like my will to live during deployment." Kafka 2.1: "TWO BILLION RETRIES OR NOTHING! Your server will keep attempting to deliver that message until the heat death of the universe or your AWS bill causes your CFO to have a cardiac event—WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!" The jump from 0 to 2,147,483,647 (the max value of a 32-bit signed integer) isn't just a change—it's a FULL BLOWN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS for your message queue! Your poor little server is now trapped in retry purgatory, desperately trying to deliver messages like they're breakup texts it absolutely MUST send at 2am!