Teaching JavaScript: The Ultimate Humanitarian Crisis

Content mi.jobs Well-capitalized Seattle start-up seeks Unix developers Jeff Bezos Well-capitalized start-up seeks extremely talented CCUnix developers to help pioneer commerce on the Internet. You must have experience designing and building large and complex (yet maintainable) systems, and you should be able to do so in about one-third the time that most competent people think possible. You should have a BS, MS, or PhD in Computer Science or the equivalent. Top-notch communication skills are essential. Familiarity with web servers and HTML would be helpful but is not necessary. Expect talented, motivated, intense, and interesting co-workers. Must be willing to relocate to the Seattle area (we will help cover moving costs). Your compensation will include meaningful equity ownership. Send resume and cover letter to Jeff Bezos: mail: be..netcom.com fax: 206828-0951 US mail: Cadabra, Inc. 10704 N.E. 28th St. Bellevue, WA 98004 We are an equal opportunity employer. "It's easier to invent the future than to predict it." -- Alan Kay Q 82294

So everyone's screaming about JavaScript being terrible, but then you look at how developers actually get the current year in production code. Instead of just using new Date().getFullYear() , some genius decided to hardcode "2025" wrapped in a beautiful mess of <footer><small> tags that don't even close properly. The closing </small> is chilling AFTER the text instead of wrapping it correctly. Maybe JavaScript isn't the problem. Maybe it's the developers who refuse to use it correctly. This footer will be hilariously outdated in about 365 days, and some poor soul will have to manually update it while the rest of the internet just... uses a date function like normal people. The real kicker? They're complaining about hardcoded YEARS while literally hardcoding a year. Chef's kiss. 💋👌

Content Replying to alacodes and bbb999 If human beings evolved new organs as frequently as they do Javascript frameworks, you can bet the doctors would be Googling it too. 10:53 PM 11 Aug 19 Twitter Web App

Opening the door to the JavaScript ecosystem feels like unleashing a Lovecraftian horror of frameworks, libraries, and build tools. That innocent "Good morning!" quickly turns into an existential crisis when you realize you're facing a monster with React, Angular, Vue, Node, Webpack, and about 47 other dependencies you'll need to configure before lunch. The beast's many tentacles represent the endless rabbit holes of package management hell. And the best part? By tomorrow morning, half of those logos will be deprecated.

The LAST BLISSFUL MOMENTS of humanity before everything went to hell! Look at these sweet summer children partying like there's no tomorrow—because there literally wasn't a JavaScript tomorrow! They're dancing, they're celebrating, COMPLETELY UNAWARE that in just a few months, their lives would be forever cursed with callback hell, undefined is not a function, and the eternal question "why doesn't this work in IE?!" These poor souls had no idea they were living in the golden age. The last generation that knew peace before npm install consumed our lives!

The first rule of production code: never mess with something that's running smoothly. The second rule? Bombard your non-working code with console.log() statements until you've extracted a full confession from every variable. It's not debugging—it's an interrogation. The code will talk eventually. They always do.