The Mechanical Keyboard Death Spiral

OH. MY. GOD. Someone took "thumb drive" WAY too literally! Instead of using an actual USB flash drive to update their BIOS like a normal human being, this tech rebel just JAMMED THEIR ACTUAL THUMB into the computer port! The audacity! The innovation! The sheer disregard for basic computer anatomy! I'm having heart palpitations just looking at this hardware violation. Next thing you know they'll be "installing more RAM" by shoving a sheep into their PC case. THE HORROR!

The GPU hierarchy portrayed as a medieval throne room is absolutely genius. The legendary GTX 1080 Ti sits on the throne like an immortal king, while newer cards like the RTX 3060Ti, 3080Ti, and even the mighty RTX 4090 and 5090 bow before its greatness. What makes this so damn funny is how the 1080 Ti released in 2017 still commands respect in 2024. It's that one graphics card that refuses to become obsolete despite its age—the perfect price-to-performance ratio that haunts NVIDIA's marketing team to this day. Gamers still cling to it like it's the holy grail while newer cards struggle to justify their kidney-selling prices.

Behold the ANCIENT ONE! While those pathetic RTX 4090 babies are crying for upgrades after TWO MONTHS, my 9-year-old GTX 1080 sits on its mechanical throne like some unholy cybernetic deity from the depths of silicon hell! It's seen things you people wouldn't believe... it's rendered attacks ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. And yet here it stands - IMMORTAL, UNDYING, running Minecraft at a blistering 45 FPS while these hardware snowflakes throw tantrums over ray tracing! The audacity! The DRAMA! Meanwhile my graphics card is basically running on pure spite and the tears of my wallet that begs for mercy!

Valve Corporation, masters of creating legendary games but allergic to the number 3. They've given us Portal 1, Portal 2... then nothing. Half-Life, Half-Life 2... then radio silence for decades. Meanwhile, they're busy pumping out gaming hardware like Steam Deck and VR headsets with the sad stick figure muttering "i guess we make Hardware" instead of finishing what they started. The ultimate software development strategy: when you can't figure out how to count to 3, just pivot to hardware! Gabe Newell probably has a phobia of trilogies stronger than most developers' fear of touching legacy code.

The eternal GPU upgrade cycle: a tragicomedy in four acts. First, you couldn't get an RTX 3080 because of COVID shortages. Then the 4080 was unobtainable thanks to crypto miners. Now the 5080 is being devoured by AI companies with bottomless pockets. Meanwhile, your ancient GTX 1080 is wheezing through another year while you progress through the five stages of GPU grief—from hopeful patience to the final acceptance that even if they made enough GPUs, your bank account would still say "insufficient funds." The wojak's increasingly haggard face is basically what happens when you check Newegg prices every day for half a decade.

Ah yes, the duality of tech compensation. Six-figure salary, sleeps on cardboard. The fancy ergonomic chair and RGB gaming PC suggest this dev can afford nice things... just not silly luxuries like "beds" or "plastered walls." Priorities straight as a binary digit. All money goes to the battlestation while living in what appears to be an abandoned storage closet. The true programmer lifestyle - where your computer has better living conditions than you do.