The Feline Code Reviewer

Behold, the revolutionary new device for developers who miss the command line days. It's not a laptop without a screen—it's a feature. Now you can code without the distraction of actually seeing what you're doing. Perfect for those who claim they can program blindfolded or have their terminal color scheme set to black text on black background. Bonus: battery life measured in weeks instead of hours.

Remember when "NEVER OBSOLETE" was the biggest lie in tech marketing? This ancient relic from the early 2000s promised eternal relevance with its blazing 64MB RAM and mind-blowing 40X CD-ROM drive. Now it can barely run a Chrome tab, let alone Cyberpunk at 4K. That 667MHz processor would melt trying to render Keanu's first pixel. The irony of asking about Cyberpunk FPS on this fossil is like asking how many horsepower your horse has compared to a Tesla. Spoiler alert: the answer is somewhere between "absolutely none" and "it will catch fire trying."

THE ABSOLUTE STATE OF GPU WARS IN 2025! Nvidia's out here making us choose between selling a kidney for performance or switching tracks for affordability, while AMD's just like "Hey, remember us? We exist too!" But AMD's train is literally DERAILED off the tracks! The perfect metaphor for how Nvidia has completely dominated the AI hardware market while AMD struggles to even stay relevant. It's giving "I'm in this picture and I don't like it" energy for anyone who's been desperately waiting for AMD to save us from Nvidia's pricing tyranny. Spoiler alert: THE RESCUE AIN'T COMING!

Oh honey, the AUDACITY of those GPU manufacturers thinking I'll drop EVERYTHING to install their precious new drivers! 💅 I've cultivated a VERY special relationship with my current driver - we've been through thick and thin, crashes and all! And you expect me to REPLACE it for what? Some "performance improvements" and "bug fixes"? PLEASE! My update philosophy is simple: if my games aren't literally SCREAMING at me with error messages, that driver stays PUT. Call me when my screen's on fire, darling! 🔥

Oh look, it's the final boss of Stack Overflow! This guy's "somewhat confident" after a CS degree and 16 years of experience is like saying the Titanic was "somewhat damp." The retro setup with vintage computers and that hacker aesthetic screams "I was writing code when your IDE was still a twinkle in Microsoft's eye." He's holding that ancient computer like it's a sacred text while silently judging your for-loop efficiency. This is the guy who closes your question as "duplicate" before you finish typing it. His confidence level? Just enough to tell you your perfectly working code is "technically wrong."

Anyone who's ever downloaded Unreal Engine knows the pain. You think you're getting a game engine, but what you're actually getting is a 100GB monstrosity that consumes your hard drive like a hungry beast. Epic's flagship product ships with every sample, demo, and texture known to mankind by default. Your options are: wait 3 hours for it to download or just buy a new SSD. Tim Sweeney (Epic's CEO) probably thinks storage space grows on trees.