A Real Laptop That A Terminated Remote Worker Sent Back

Ah, the GPU market's nightmare fuel. A creepy clown lurking in a sewer drain promising GPUs at MSRP (Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price) is the perfect metaphor for the current state of graphics card shopping. In the years since crypto mining and chip shortages, finding a GPU at its intended price has been so rare that it might as well be a murderous entity luring desperate gamers into the sewers. Most developers would indeed crawl through drainage systems for a reasonably priced RTX card at this point.

Ah, the mythical Linux battery life! 81% battery with 55 hours remaining while in "Performance" mode? That's not a power management system, that's a fantasy novel . Windows users get excited about 3 hours of battery life while Linux is over here claiming your laptop can outlast the apocalypse. The best part? Someone has it in "High performance" mode, which on any other OS would drain your battery faster than a TikTok scrolling session. Linux is basically saying "I can make your 2012 laptop battery perform like it's powered by arc reactor technology from Iron Man." Sure, Jan. 🙄

That moment when you're about to rage-quit over Nvidia's RTX 50-series not supporting your precious PhysX games, but then they whisper sweet nothings about the RTX 5070 having "4090-like performance" for half the price. Suddenly, you're reaching for your wallet faster than you can say "my old games weren't that good anyway." The classic tech cycle: complain about missing features → see shiny new specs → financial common sense leaves the chat. We never learn, do we?

Ah, the classic game dev pipeline of diminishing returns! First, you spend weeks upgrading textures that players will barely notice. Then you crank up those polygon counts because clearly what your game needs is characters with more triangles than actual gameplay features. Next comes the obsessive addition of microscopic details that absolutely nobody will see unless they're inspecting your models with an electron microscope. And finally—the pièce de résistance—just blur everything with fancy lighting effects and call it "cinematic." DLSS/FG (Deep Learning Super Sampling/Frame Generation) is basically saying "let AI fix our performance problems" instead of optimizing the code that's running at 12 FPS. It's the digital equivalent of sweeping dust under a really expensive, ray-traced rug.

First we had "Jesus has risen" for Easter. Now we have "Jesus has RYZEN" because apparently the son of God upgraded to AMD processors. The divine computing power to run the universe's simulation requires nothing less than a high-end CPU. Bet heaven's render farm makes your gaming rig look like a pocket calculator. And you thought your server resurrection after a crash was impressive.

When your code crashes so hard it burns the image of Arthur Morgan into your TV. That's not a bug, that's a $444 feature. At least now you have a permanent companion to judge your spaghetti code with that signature cowboy disappointment. Still cheaper than therapy for most developers.