It Scares Me: Git Rebase Edition

Started coding a "simple hash function" and GitHub Copilot went full existential crisis mode. Started reasonable with "not cryptographically secure, but fast" then spiraled into "not guaranteed to be stable across different phases of the moon" and "different parallel universes." This is what happens when your AI assistant has seen one too many 3 AM debugging sessions. Somewhere in Silicon Valley, a neural network is clearly having PTSD flashbacks from training on StackOverflow comments.

Nothing says "I'm from a different era of computing" like sending a PDF of a printout instead of a Git repo link. That senior dev probably still has a drawer full of floppy disks "just in case." Next they'll tell you to compile it by feeding the paper into your CD drive and typing "make oldschool." The digital equivalent of getting directions via fax machine when you asked for GPS coordinates.

That moment when your code review turns into an interrogation session. "I see you've implemented this feature without documentation... interesting . Now, before I approve your PR, tell me what you thought about that React conference keynote? Didn't catch it? What a shame. Looks like this merge might take a while..." The dark side of open source maintainers that GitHub doesn't want you to see.

Ah, the glorious transformation that happens when your pull request finally gets merged! You start as a nervous junior dev in a plain suit, questioning your life choices and code quality. Then BAM—suddenly you're royalty, adorned with medals of honor and sitting on the throne of Git superiority. The best part? That awkward moment when you submit a PR at 11:59 PM with 17 commented-out debug statements and a commit message that just says "fix stuff" – and somehow it still gets approved. Instant transformation from peasant to king of the codebase! And yes, all my repos are public too... which means everyone can witness both my moments of coding brilliance and the absolute dumpster fires I create before the PR gets polished. It's like having your teenage photos permanently displayed in Times Square.

Ah, the classic code review battlefield! 🔥 Nothing triggers a developer's fight-or-flight response faster than hearing "Your code will work but I don't like the way it is implemented." It's like telling someone their baby is ugly but functional. 😂 We've all been there - spent hours crafting what we think is a masterpiece, only for some senior dev to casually suggest a "small refactor" that invalidates your entire approach. The code passes all tests? Runs perfectly? Doesn't matter! It's not elegant enough for their refined taste buds. This is basically the programming equivalent of starting a bar fight. Keyboards will fly, Stack Overflow links will be weaponized, and someone's going to end up crying into their mechanical keyboard at 2am while rewriting everything.

OMG, the absolute CHAOS of development teams in their natural habitat! 💀 First we have someone proudly announcing "the energy I bring to the team" followed by their comment "i'm merging it. f*ck the tests" - the battle cry of every developer with a deadline breathing down their neck! Then the cherry on top: "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." EXCUSE ME?! That's like saying using a parachute when skydiving shows a lack of confidence in gravity! The sheer AUDACITY of these developers thinking their code is immaculate conception that needs no verification! Future bugs are literally SCREAMING in excitement waiting to be deployed to production!