My Interpretation Of The Console Wars Thus Far

Behold, the pinnacle of game development: storing your entire storyline in a global array and using hardcoded indices to track plot points. Because who needs databases or state machines when you can just check if storyline_array[367] == 1 to determine if you've already done something? The real masterpiece is using instance_destroy() as your universal solution. Lunch with Fern? Destroy the instance. Already completed a task? Destroy the instance. Relationship problems? You guessed it— instance_destroy() . Meanwhile, poor Rhode gets the "Do Nothing" treatment. Clearly the developer's favorite character won the popularity contest. This code is basically the digital equivalent of writing your novel's plot points on sticky notes, scattering them across the floor, and numbering them randomly.

OH HONEY, NO! Sweet summer child thinking that shipping your first game means you've "made it" in development! The silence in that last panel is the DEAFENING REALITY that your coding journey has only JUST BEGUN! 😭 That first release is literally just the tutorial level before the REAL boss battles begin - maintenance, user feedback, bug fixes from hell, and the soul-crushing realization that your code will now haunt you FOREVER. Welcome to development purgatory, darling! The grind doesn't end - it just puts on a different outfit!

OH MY GOD, the AUDACITY of this little brother making actual GAMES from SCRATCH while the rest of us are just gluing together AI libraries like absolute PEASANTS! 😱 The sheer BETRAYAL of watching your sibling learn Java and pixel art while you're trapped in NextJS dependency hell! But secretly? You're INSANELY proud because that kid is learning programming the hard way - building everything from the ground up instead of just importing someone else's solution. Your brother might be coding like it's 2005, but he's developing ACTUAL skills while you're just another AI-prompt engineer waiting for ChatGPT to fix your bugs. The future is his, and you know it!

Microsoft's idea of an upgrade path: swap your modern OS for a game from 1989. When Windows 10 support ends, they're not suggesting Linux or even Windows 11—they're recommending you time travel back to TempleOS. Because nothing says "cutting-edge security" like pixelated platforms and 8-bit sound effects. Honestly, this might be an improvement. At least Temple Run doesn't force updates while you're in the middle of a presentation. And the system requirements are so low, even that potato you call a development machine could handle it.

Nothing quite captures the absolute CHAOS of gaming subreddits like the aftermath of The Game Awards. You've got the Dishonored fans sobbing into their whiskey glasses, the Expedition 33 community living their best French life with baguettes and trophies, the Half-Life fans literally DECOMPOSING while waiting for Half-Life 3 (seriously, they've been skeletons since 2007), and the Megaman crew just vibing with their thumbs up because hey, at least they exist. Meanwhile Kingdom Come fans are on their knees in the mud, broken and defeated, while Silksong fans have transcended reality entirely—they're just screaming into the void at this point, mouths agape, souls shattered. The emotional rollercoaster of game announcements (or lack thereof) hits different for every fandom, and boy does it SHOW.

Remember when we actually had to write efficient code? Now we just throw more RAM at the problem and call it a day. The meme perfectly captures how game development evolved from "let's squeeze every bit of performance from this hardware" to "eh, just buy a better graphics card." Why optimize your code when you can make your users optimize their bank accounts instead?