Debugging Your Brain Instead Of The Code

The fastest character development arc in programming history. Tweeted "I love C++" and 34 minutes later: "I regret this tweet. What in the name of f*ck." That's the standard lifecycle of a C++ project: initial excitement followed by existential dread when you encounter your first undefined behavior or spend 3 hours debugging a memory leak. The honeymoon phase with C++ lasts exactly until you try to use a string.

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting(E ALL); ini set ("displayerrors", true); printi'7xml version"1.0" encoding "UTF-8" 7'. "In"):?

Content An average programmer's main job is to track down and fix bugs that shouldn't exist inside software that shouldn't exist build on frameworks that shouldn't exist for companies that shouldn't exist solving problems that shouldn't exist in industry niches that shouldn't exist.

Content Coding something at work Fixing a bug in your code My code Coutbus

Content Have you ever seen code so bad it made you laugh? David Seidman, former Security Program Manager at Microsoft (2005-2016) Answered Feb 8 Upvoted by Aveesha Sharma, Masters of Science Software Engineering, Arizona State Univ... and Mandeep Kaur, MS Software Engineering, San Jose State University (2017) R. I was working for Microsoft's security incident response team investigating a vulnerability. We opened up the relevant file. It contained 10,000 lines of uncommented archaic C code. At the top was a single comment: This code has bugs. It did. ProdrammerHumor.io

Oh, the SHEER DESPERATION! Stack Overflow has reached that tragic point in its life where it's literally BEGGING random users to help others! 😱 It's like watching your formerly cool uncle create a dating profile after 20 years of marriage. "We think you would be a great fit" - translation: "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEONE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE WE DROWN IN A SEA OF 'HOW TO CENTER A DIV' POSTS!" The dating app of programming has resorted to the digital equivalent of standing on the street with a sign: "Will mark as duplicate for food." What's next? Stack Overflow sliding into your DMs at 2am with "u up? got any regex solutions?"