Code Is Working

The Rust evangelism strike force claims another victim! Some poor soul dared to mention they're still using C/C++ in 2022, and now they're being lectured about Rust's memory safety features while their friends slowly back away. Classic language elitism in its natural habitat – because nothing says "I'm a modern developer" like making others feel bad about their tech stack choices. Meanwhile, the C++ devs are too busy fighting memory leaks to defend themselves.

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Content HANNAH HILLAM BUZZFEED Are you going to sleep? Yes I am. Now shut up. Do Stackoverflow devs use Stackoverflow to fix Its bugs made with mematr

Behold! The ultimate software engineer personality test that's more accurate than any Myers-Briggs nonsense! I'm DYING at "The Optimistic Estimator" because we've ALL been that delusional fool promising miracles in "2 days max!" only to still be debugging three weeks later, questioning our life choices. And don't get me started on "The 'Actually' Specialist" - that monster who waits until AFTER you've deployed to production to smugly inform you why your approach is fundamentally flawed. The AUDACITY! 💀 Personally, I fluctuate between "The 'It Depends' Guy" and "The Pragmatic Pessimist" - multiplying estimates by 3 and STILL delivering late is basically my toxic superpower at this point!

The ABSOLUTE HORROR of fixing production database issues at 2 AM with zero documentation! 😱 Those bloodshot eyes aren't just tired—they're the windows to a soul that's been utterly DESTROYED by some random developer's "clever" SQL query that worked "just fine on my machine." Your eyeballs have transcended mere substances—they've reached a new plane of existence that even cocaine users would find concerning. Who needs sleep when you're frantically trying to understand why someone thought it was a brilliant idea to use 17 nested JOINs without a single comment?! The database is bleeding, your sanity is evaporating, and tomorrow's standup is in 5 hours. But hey, at least you'll have a fascinating story about how you saved the company while looking like you crawled out of a zombie apocalypse!

Ah yes, the classic "user-friendly" legacy code. When clients say they want to keep their ancient framework because it's "user-friendly," what they really mean is "this knife will kill you slowly instead of quickly." After 15 years in this industry, I've learned that "user-friendly" is code for "we've already memorized all the horrible workarounds." The only thing friendly about that framework is that it consistently lets you know it wants to stab you in the back. Pro tip: When a client insists on keeping something this dangerous, just quadruple your hourly rate. Either you'll get rich or they'll suddenly discover the magic of modern frameworks.