Mornings Don't Start With Coffee

Content Pranay Pathole PPathole How to get funding: "We're going to implement blockchain-based machine learning on a serverless container, backed by a distributed web-scale NoSOL data- lake, with a React 17. front-end and a fully integrated immersive 3DARVRVoice UX."

You spent days optimizing that SQL query to absolute perfection. Indexes tweaked. JOINs restructured. Subqueries eliminated. You turned a 30-second nightmare into a 0.3-second dream. Your boss was impressed... for approximately 5 minutes. Now they're casually dropping phrases like "real-time dashboards" and "instant analytics" in meetings as if your database isn't already sweating bullets just handling the current load. They have no idea that "real-time" means your beautiful query needs to run every 2 seconds instead of once an hour. Congratulations, you've optimized yourself into a corner. Your reward for fixing the performance issue? A completely unreasonable new requirement that makes the original problem look trivial. The database gods are laughing at you right now.

Content The query takes approximately 14 seconds. I already got it down by 2 That's the best we can do... Greetingersfellow, It is I, the Wizard of Code! Ooooohhhh Now what do we have here? A 14 second SQL query, quite mundane in appearance really! Why don't you close your eyes for a while, and let the magic happen... Yes, we couldn't manage to... TADA! Gentlement, this is just.. magic! We're down to 0.033s! Well done! Unbelievable! How is this possible? Amazing! CommitStrip.com

While humans debate philosophical perspectives on water glasses, Excel is over there screaming "FEBRUARY 1st!!!" because it thinks the 1st of February is somehow more exciting than New Year's. Classic Excel—where dates are stored as serial numbers since 1900, and February 1st is literally just the number 32. No nuance, no philosophy, just pure, unbridled enthusiasm for being exactly one month into the year. It's the spreadsheet equivalent of that coworker who celebrates their "half-birthday" with the same energy as their actual birthday.

Content When you learn boolean takes 1 byte of space instead of 1 bit Those bastards lied to me PS Express reactoverflow

Content When your code stopped working during an interview Dude vou are embarrassina me in front of the wizards.