Which Side Are You On: The C++ Gang War

The universal hatred for CMake transcends all intelligence levels! The meme shows an IQ bell curve with people at every point—from 55 to 145—united in their collective trauma of writing CMakeLists.txt files at 3AM while sobbing uncontrollably. The "well ackchyually" guy at the bottom represents that one teammate who claims to understand CMake but still copy-pastes from StackOverflow like the rest of us. Nothing brings C++ developers together like the shared existential dread of finding yourself in dependency hell with zero documentation. It's the build system we all use and absolutely nobody enjoys!

Ah yes, the sacred first step to coding divinity - buying the Gang of Four book! Nothing says "I'm about to become a programming deity" like ordering the Design Patterns bible and having it arrive in a beat-up Amazon package. The journey of a thousand abstractions begins with a single Factory Pattern! Bonus points if you display it prominently on your desk for six months without actually reading past chapter 3. We've all been there... ascension to godhood pending...

Ah, the great language wars continue. Rust evangelists love to preach about memory safety while conveniently ignoring that you basically have to type "unsafe" every time you need to do anything actually useful. It's like having a car with 15 seatbelts but you have to unbuckle them all just to reach the gas pedal. The irony is delicious - a language designed for safety that forces you to explicitly opt out of that safety to get real work done. Reminds me of that coworker who lectures everyone about clean code but has a "temporary" folder with 5 years of hacks.

Oh look, it's the "my code is basically just a long-winded love letter to the compiler" approach. Every single line drowning in comments that explain the blindingly obvious while adding zero actual value. This is what happens when someone takes "document your code" advice and cranks it to 11. You know who writes code like this? The same person who explains what a fork is while handing it to you at dinner. The real irony? After 7 years in the industry, you'll be begging for any comments in the 10,000-line legacy codebase you've inherited. Just not... whatever this crime against syntax highlighting is.

Left side: Cute, friendly mascots representing normal programming languages. Right side: C++ gets a terrifying rat creature and whatever that nightmare fuel at the bottom is. Pretty much sums up the C++ experience. Other languages hold your hand. C++ hands you a grenade with the pin already pulled and says "good luck with memory management."

Oh. My. GOD. The sheer ARISTOCRACY of C++ developers thinking that 100 nanoseconds is something to brag about! 💅 Honey, that's 0.0000001 seconds. You can't even BLINK that fast, yet here they are strutting around like Victorian nobility who just optimized the queen's favorite algorithm. The AUDACITY! Meanwhile, JavaScript developers are just happy if their website loads before the heat death of the universe. And Python folks? They're over in the corner eating cake with readable code that runs sometime this century. But C++ royalty must have their nanosecond optimization parties. *dramatic hair flip*