I Have Jira Tickets

Ah, the classic "distracted boyfriend" meme but with a project management twist! The guy (labeled "LEADERSHIP") is clearly checking out "AGILE" while his current girlfriend ("WATERFALL") looks on in disbelief. It's that moment when your team swears they're committed to Waterfall methodology but can't stop eyeing those sexy Scrum boards and daily standups. Sure, you've got documentation and Gantt charts at home, but look at Agile over there with her flexible iterations and customer feedback loops! 😂 Tale as old as time: companies claiming they "follow Agile principles" while secretly still planning everything upfront and freaking out when requirements change. The software development equivalent of "it's complicated" relationship status!

The classic management time warp. Six months ago: "Epic UI design guys, love it!" Two days before deadline: "Wtf is this garbage UI?" Same design. Same manager. Different proximity to deadline. You could build the Sistine Chapel of interfaces and it'll still be "garbage" when the sprint's ending. Ten years in the industry and I've yet to see a manager who remembers approving anything.

Oh the sweet innocent joy of thinking your code is ready for production! First panel: you're all confident, "This ticket is done, git push" - what could possibly go wrong? Second panel: QA has entered the chat and suddenly your masterpiece isn't looking so masterful. But the REAL horror story? That third panel when DevOps slides into your DMs like the final boss of a roguelike game you weren't prepared to play. The three stages of developer grief: confidence, concern, and existential dread. Ship it anyway!

The classic corporate blame game in its natural habitat! The poor developer sits isolated in a tiny blue puddle while literally everyone else points accusatory fingers from their comfy yellow waters. Client wants features yesterday. Manager promised impossible timelines. PM failed to manage scope. VP needs to show quarterly progress. CTO wonders why "simple changes" take so long. QA found bugs you "should have caught." And CEO just points because... well, that's what executives do. Meanwhile, the dev's thinking: "I told you six months ago this deadline was unrealistic, but sure, let's pretend my warnings never happened."

The classic developer paradox: your boss thinks you're a requirements-gathering genius, while you're just an anxious mess who can't stop imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. That's not autism—that's just software development working as intended. The real miracle is maintaining that poker face during the congratulatory handshake while mentally reviewing the 47 edge cases you forgot to document.

Oh the IRONY! 😂 Asking engineers to write concise documentation is like asking a cat to fetch your mail! The person's face says it all - pure "are you kidding me?" energy! Engineers would rather write 10,000 lines of code than 10 lines explaining what it does. Documentation? That's just a mythical creature like the debugging unicorn that magically fixes your code! Every tech lead who's begged for updated docs feels this in their SOUL right now. Meanwhile, engineers are already mentally drafting a 47-page explanation of why they can't write a 1-page summary!