Bus Vandal Hates Front End

Poor vanilla JS developer sitting in a pool of judgment while everyone else enjoys their framework-enhanced lives. The classic "why aren't you using React/Angular/Vue?" interrogation that happens at every dev meetup. Writing raw JavaScript in 2023 is like showing up to a gunfight with a sharpened pencil – technically a weapon, but you're gonna have a bad time. The framework folks will never let you swim in peace!

Free software advocate Richard Stallman having an existential crisis after learning Windows 11's Start menu is a React Native app that devours CPU cycles. Microsoft really said "let's make clicking a button as resource-intensive as possible" and shipped it anyway. The irony of using a JavaScript framework for a core OS function is just *chef's kiss* perfect. Your 32GB RAM gaming rig struggling to open a menu that MS-DOS could handle with 640K. Progress!

Ah, the sweet smell of revenge coding. This guy's building a music visualizer in raw C with FFT analysis, FFMPEG integration, and custom rendering—just to flex on React developers who'd need 17 npm packages and 3GB of node_modules to draw a circle. The best part? His audio visualizer actually looks pretty damn good. Nothing says "I've seen some things" like writing UI code that's closer to the metal than most devs will ever get. React devs frantically Googling "how to use pointers" as we speak.

GitHub Copilot with Grok 4 integration is now searching Twitter for Elon Musk's hot takes before writing your React to-do app. Because nothing says "enterprise-grade software" like basing your code on the midnight tweets of a billionaire. Next feature: Copilot will check your horoscope before deciding on your database schema.

The ultimate hipster programmer manifesto has arrived! At the top, we have the "Reject modernity" squad featuring React, Tailwind, Vue, some hipster hamster, and TypeScript—basically everything recruiters won't stop messaging you about on LinkedIn. Meanwhile, the "Embrace tradition" crew is just chilling below with HTML, CSS, JavaScript, PHP, and Python—you know, the technologies that actually keep the internet from imploding. It's like choosing between a complicated pour-over coffee ritual versus just drinking the office coffee that somehow still works. Sure, the modern frameworks look impressive on your resume, but when the apocalypse comes, who do you think will still be able to make a website work? The person who can write vanilla JS or the one who needs 37 dependencies just to center a div?

The JavaScript ecosystem's greatest fear: finding out some random AI model was trained on their npm packages. The title "I Tsc Alled Dis Ti Lla Tion" is a play on "distillation" - the process where AI models learn from other models - but butchered to include "tsc" (TypeScript compiler) and broken into syllables like someone having a panic attack. Nothing sends a JavaScript developer into hysterics faster than discovering their precious code snippets are now being regurgitated by ChatGPT. Meanwhile, the logos for TypeScript, React, and Node.js perfectly represent the frameworks watching their intellectual property get slurped up by the AI void.