Bus Vandal Hates Front End

Ah, the classic "my app is 845KB but somehow requires a black hole of dependencies." Guy calculates his app size: Vue components (719KB), CSS (34KB), and helper classes (92KB). Seems reasonable at 845KB total. Then he puts his backpack on the scale and BAM – 68GB! That's node_modules for you – where your tiny app becomes a quantum singularity of nested dependencies, 5000 versions of left-pad, and packages you didn't even know existed. It's like going grocery shopping for milk and coming home with the entire dairy farm, three tractors, and a confused cow.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this person flashing their laptop like it's some kind of developer status symbol! 💅 Look at that collection of framework and tool stickers - it's like they're screaming "I know ALL the technologies" while probably writing 'Hello World' in each one. Honey, collecting dev stickers is NOT the same as knowing how to code! It's the programming equivalent of putting band patches on your jacket when you can't even play the triangle. The modern tech peacocking ritual is COMPLETE! 🦚

Ah, the four-step career assassination tutorial! Nothing sends a frontend developer into existential crisis faster than watching someone test their "responsive" design by actually... *checks notes*... using different devices. The psychological warfare begins with showing off multiple devices, continues with the developer watching in horror as their beautiful creation morphs into an eldritch abomination across screens, and culminates with the coup de grâce: printing the monstrosity to immortalize their shame. Somewhere, a CSS media query is crying. Somewhere else, a Bootstrap developer is pouring another drink.

Behold, the modern tech tragedy in three acts: Act I: "I'll let GPT-5 refactor our entire codebase!" Act II: *50+ files changed, 10k+ lines updated, beautiful modular code with best practices* Act III: "None of it works." The perfect illustration of AI's current relationship with coding: makes everything look incredible while secretly plotting your application's demise. That beautiful, clean code is like a gorgeous sports car with no engine—pretty to look at but utterly useless for actually getting anywhere. The punchline "But boy it was beautiful to watch" is the developer equivalent of "The surgery was successful, but the patient died." At least we'll have nicely formatted code to stare at while the production server burns!

Behold the horrifying family lineage of programming languages! C and C++ started as a respectable couple with just TWO family members. Fast forward a measly 5 years and BOOM—JavaScript appears. But wait for the apocalypse! 60 years later we're drowning in a TSUNAMI of JavaScript frameworks and libraries that have multiplied faster than rabbits on energy drinks! The family tree looks like someone sneezed on a genealogy chart! This is what happens when you let a language created in 10 days reproduce unchecked. The horror! THE HORROR!

The generational divide is real. While our parents were confidently starting families at 27, we're over here having existential crises about border-radius values. Nothing says "I've got my life together" quite like chain-smoking through the night while debating if 8px or 12px rounded corners will make or break your UI. Who needs the responsibility of raising a child when you can agonize over CSS properties until 4am? The true millennial lifecycle: birth, education, career, button styling anxiety, retirement.