When The "Optimized" Code Runs Slower Than The Original

Content How many of you can code? How many of you can develop software? 98 Go

When someone asks what you do for a living, and your brain immediately jumps to the most unnecessarily complex implementation possible. Like, congratulations on writing a function that could be replaced with return number % 2 == 0 , but sure, let's hardcode ten separate conditions because that's definitely maintainable. Nothing says "I'm a programmer" quite like turning a one-liner into a nightmare that future you will curse at 2 AM during a production outage.

Content What's up? What do you do all day? Programming Well done, very responsible during the pandemic. Pandemic?

Content You just started your first software job Your memtor tasks you with making the READMEmd for one of the new projects to ease you into the codebase Since this is a tiny change that doesn't affect the code he tells you just push to main directly without a cr so you do that 5 minutes later a company-wide email gets sent with subject "HIGH SEVERITY ALARM ACTIVATED" Proarammer-umor.io

Content YO MAMA'S SO FAT SHE CAN'T SAVE FILES BIGGER THAN 4GB

Content "Don't worry I write plenty of comments" The comments: case 103: The victor cavorts to the puppet's tune. Though assured of its independence, know that there is no decision made by this fool that does not ultimately serve the whims of its master. So then does it leap repetitively. phasetimer ; time cannot be halted by the whims of man if (phasetimer 1) a tremendous shadow blots the sky, and you expect it to be silent? SE.playsfx("nin-bigjump"); sprite. frame 8; the fool spread-eagled, escaping gravity's reach? var center HXP.camera. (HXP.camera.width 2) though infinitely imprecise, it is still necessary var landingPosition center: a being cannot stand without a shadow if (x center 40) I are you here? if x center - 40) are you there? the bifurcate logic, split for the sake of most minuscule performance, guarantees your appearance upon the center stage so thus must we pay fealty to orientation landingPosition (player x) ? 90 : -120; the triplicate hydra kills with a single head, but which? the great triumph, that chronoscronus set aside in practice, is preparation in advance thus we need not examine the sides, for if the center stage is not filled the hydra's golden head shall strike as always thus did hercules bury it under the stone where it hisses to this day ProdrammerHumor.io