This Baffles My Mind

Content border ox solid red: console.log

You know that one senior dev who shows up to the system design interview with a conspiracy theorist's wall of chaos? Red strings connecting random boxes, sticky notes everywhere, and somehow they're convinced their architecture that hits the database 47 times per page load is "fine actually." Meanwhile they're out here explaining why caching is "premature optimization" while their API response times are measured in geological epochs. Sure buddy, let's just query that unindexed table with 50 million rows on every request. What could go wrong? The confidence-to-competence ratio here is absolutely off the charts. They've got the energy of someone who's never been paged at 2 AM because Redis went down and suddenly realized why everyone kept saying "just cache it."

Content USER brogrammer mem I think it stopped working.. USER PROGRAM 'running "calculating thinking We should kill it

Content PROBLEM SOLVING FLOW CHART DOES IT WORK? YES NO YES DID YOU TOUCH IT? DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW? NO YES YOU IDIOT NO LEAVE THE BLOODY THING ALONE WILL YOU GET INTO TROUBLE? NO YOU POOR BASTARD NO HIDE IT CAN YOU BLAME SOMEONE ELSE YES PASS THE BUCK NO PROBLEMS

Content work for a large corporation that doesn't understand agile and deal with miles of red tape work for startup with a cult of personality CEO

You know what's better than any romantic relationship? 537 passing unit tests with zero failures. That's the kind of green status that makes you feel things. The satisfaction of watching all your tests pass on the first try is criminally underrated. No red marks, no yellow warnings, just pure, unadulterated success. It's the programming equivalent of finding out your code works in production exactly like it did on your machine. Some people chase love. Real developers chase that dopamine hit from a clean test suite.