The senior dev monitoring the intern monkeys from his place of superiority.

When your developer friend says they're "just customizing their boot screen" but actually they've replaced the UEFI splash with an anime girl calling them "senpai." Nothing says "I'm a serious professional who writes mission-critical code" quite like having your computer address you as a "good boy" during startup. The duality of programmers: can architect complex systems by day, creates waifu boot screens by night. The real reason they never let IT support touch their machine.

HONEY, THE DRAMA! A developer thinking they can sneak into production without testing is like trying to smuggle an elephant through airport security! The QA tester is LITERALLY that last-second hero grabbing them by the collar before they unleash digital armageddon! It's the software development version of "Red Light, Green Light" where the penalty for moving is not elimination from a game but TOTAL CAREER ANNIHILATION! The audacity, the nerve, the sheer hubris of thinking bugs won't find YOU specifically! 💀

Content Project Manager: We're going to build a facial-recognition application. Programmer: OK Project Manager: People will put in a photo, and it will search a database for matching faces. Programmer: OK Project Manager: And while it's doing that, it should flash up, on screen, a slide show featuring hundreds of other random faces which definitely aren't a match No that's stupid we're not doing that. Programmer:

OMG, the sheer AUDACITY of CSS to literally push a bridge off the river! 😱 That negative margin just YEETED the bridge right off the water! This is what happens when frontend developers try to build actual infrastructure - you get a bridge that's not even TRYING to do its one job! Whoever wrote margin-left: -100px; clearly never had to cross this river during a rainy season. The horror! The drama! The utterly unusable transportation!

Content Always has been wait, it's all math? Computer science

Well, that explains why my doctor keeps asking if I've been "exposed to HTML" during checkups. And here I thought my code was just dirty because of poor indentation. The real kicker? These are the same people who'll confidently tell you they "know computers" before asking you to fix their printer. This is why we can't have nice things in tech - 10% of the population thinks we're spreading disease by writing <div> tags. Next time someone asks what I do for a living, I'm just going to say "I work at McDonald's." Safer that way.