The Five Stages Of Debugging Grief

Content sal Verizon 6:08 AM Christina Zhu cszhu software engineering be like ZZZZ 1 IFIGURED OUT ( w) HOW TO FIX THAT BUG ( L-( 7:46 PM 41919 Twitter Web Client 2,020 Retweets 7,569 Likes 17 Tweet your reply O ProdrammerHumor.io

When someone brags about a game being "well optimized" because it ran on their ancient potato PC with a 4080 GPU. Yeah buddy, that's not optimization—that's just raw brute force overpowering terrible code. It's like saying your car is fuel-efficient because you installed a rocket engine. The 4080 could probably run Crysis on a toaster at this point.

Content MACHINE LEARNING MATHS

[text] WANT TO BE PRETEND YOURE a good programmer a good programmer WHEN DO STOP PRETENDING MRLOVENSTEIN.COM

Content GOD, WHY IS QUANTUM MECHANICS SO WEIRD? IN ORDER TO MAKE A RAINBOW, YOU HAVE TO 'BREAK" LIGHT INTO WAVELENGTHS WHEN IT ENCOUNTERS A NEW MEDIUM. AFTER THE FLOOD, I WANTED TO MAKE A RAINBOW FOR HIM. IT'S NOAHS FAULT. WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT IF YOU WANT THAT, YOU HAVE TO TWIDDLE WITH A BUNCH OF ASPECTS OF THE UNIVERSE, ADDING WEIRD STUFF LIKE PHOTON SUPERPOSITION AND PROBABILITY AMPLITUDES. BUT, EVERY TIME I FIXED ONE THING, SOMETHING ELSE SEEMED TO BREAK. SO. I KEPT CHANGING THINGS AND CHANGING THINGS AND THE SYSTEM GOT MORE AND MORE HACKY AS TIME WENT ON. FINALLY, IT GOT SO FUNDAMENTALLY UGLY, I ADDED UNCERTAINTY SO NOBODY COULDI LOOK TOO CLOSE THAT EXPLAINS ALL OF PHYSICS AND WHAT YOU SAID TO NOAH AFTER THE FLOOD. EXACTLY. 4,000 YEARS EARLIER NEVER AGAIN. smbc-comics.com ProarammerHumor.io

The eternal irony of software engineering: we spent decades building beautiful OOP abstractions with encapsulation, inheritance, and polymorphism, only to throw it all away the moment we need to persist data. SQL databases force us to flatten our elegant object hierarchies into normalized tables, then painfully reconstruct them with JOINs. The meme roasts SQL's quirks with surgical precision: case sensitivity that makes you question your life choices, tables that are just "rows of stuff" (goodbye encapsulation), and foreign keys that are basically pointers but worse. The "WHERE LIKE" and "SELECT FROM of it" mockery is chef's kiss—SQL reads like English written by someone who learned programming from a fever dream. Those three CREATE TABLE examples? Pure gold. MySQL's arbitrary constructor order, PostgreSQL declaring types before names (backwards from most languages), and Oracle forgetting strings exist entirely. Each database vendor decided to implement SQL their own special way, creating a fragmentation nightmare. The punchline "Hello I would like INNER JOIN apples please" perfectly captures how unnatural SQL feels compared to object navigation. Instead of customer.orders , you're writing verbose JOIN ceremonies. Object-relational mapping exists precisely because this impedance mismatch is so painful.