No Personal Life, No Problems

Congratulations on your instant promotion! Nothing says "I'm ready for this responsibility" like clutching your coffee with the thousand-yard stare of someone who just inherited 200,000 lines of undocumented legacy code. One day you're asking questions, the next day you're the oracle everyone turns to. "But I just figured out where the config files are..." Too late, friend. Time to grow that beard and develop a caffeine tolerance that would kill a small horse.

Content Architects during management meeting Architects during code review

Content When you hear "hey, you're a computer person right"? howtogeek

The perfect juxtaposition of human relationships and code commitments. While people are discussing wedding day abandonment drama above, some dev is casually flexing about building a GitHub issue processor with pocket change worth of API calls below. This is the digital equivalent of someone announcing their pregnancy at someone else's funeral. Algorithmic tone-deafness at its finest. That ad placement is so bad it's almost impressive—like when your junior dev pushes directly to production on Friday at 4:59pm.

The dad joke that makes security professionals cry themselves to sleep. When someone asks where the IT guy went and responds with "He probably ran some ware " (ransomware), they've committed a pun so criminally bad it should be encrypted and held for ransom itself. Just like actual ransomware, this joke encrypts all joy in the room until someone pays the price of a courtesy laugh. Security teams everywhere are now implementing pun-detection software.

The classic tech interview ambush! You're told "come as you are" for the interview, so you show up in your comfy black hoodie and jeans like a proper developer. Meanwhile, the interviewer is sitting there in full business attire looking at you like you just committed a merge conflict to production. This is the software engineering equivalent of a trap card. The unwritten rule of tech interviews: dress code is simultaneously "casual" and "business professional" until observed, existing in a quantum superposition that collapses into "wrong" the moment you make a choice.