The Consent Paradox: Microsoft Edition

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Content Left Terror Cell Asset Has a PhD Activelv targets CS maiors VICTIM OT VIRULERA CCP Cybersecurity Engineer Linux Kernel Engineer Has a git alias Fixes Unemployed Graduate Has a decent GPA. can't write a resur Applied to 200 jobs. Minecraft Modder will literally only program to Open-Source Developer Started coding atter they watche entire or has 10 in thei Masters Student All their triends are emploved Regrets pursuing higher education Independent Game Developer Has 7 platformer games for 4.99 on Steam, sells Lives off Patreo The CS Professor Anov every data structure Authoritarian VR Chat Dev Hasn't been outside since March 2020 Legacy Codebase Programmer Maintains a Only pers are doir Devops Hasn't slept for 72 hours On call 2477 Can't set another iob because a Investment Firm Developer One of 3 devs in the whole company Made 65k Government Contractor Project ended 6 months ago. Browses Redd FAANG Engineer Has solved every Leetcode pr spena It Will code after Asp. Net Dev Only knows C and SQL, Laid Off Engineer Spent 10 years in the same job, replaced by a new graduate any wil not touch a Linkedin profile undati All-Women Startup Carbon Developer "7M rollowers on Linkedin. Languade released 2 weeks ago. alligently posung about toxic male IN STEIV "Disrupting" Will fervently defend Carbon on all 17.3K points on Has an office Knows deep down tech hub like abandoned ov goc anyway AAA Game Dev JavaScript Dev Worked 96 hours this week Never went to college. started Tries to interact with gamers on programming at age 7 Lives off Twitter, gets flamed for characters Knows their game hats outside Data Science Engineer Didn't even majo in GS. has a Eastern European Developer Makes s15kveai W accent anv Giti ab ticket Empornium Admin Expert in peer-to-peer data tra Growing conectior Libertarian Lockheed Martin Rocket Telemetry Engineer Mas to pass a arug everv 3 The Fed hunts child predators on the deep w amber of Z extremist DISCO Ex-militarv went to school on BERTEENGI Engineer On HR-mandated Paid Leave mple evidence of on Microsoft Team will set tired In z weeks Electrical Engineer Took one programming class in colles NSA cybersecurity aSseT Has access to state secrets by the government after thev've The Saudi Exchange Student Went to an American universitv Saudi Arabia to work for a The Job Hopper Will switch jobs every 12 months, gets a 20 raise every time Knows not to talk Contributes bai minimum. on 4Chan John McAfee Wanted by federal authorities Python Developer I never use another languagt Defense Contractor Contributes to development o Spends 5 hours automating 5 minut "Someone will do it anyway' Schizophrenic Developer Developea lempleus Silk Road Admin Wanted hv the FR public Wiri and Tails about then

Junior devs gasping for air while being forced to learn Visual Basic 6.0 is the tech equivalent of waterboarding. Nothing prepares you for the existential crisis of maintaining code from the Clinton administration. The senior dev dangling that mudskipper of knowledge is just thinking "If I had to suffer through this nightmare in 2003, so do you." Legacy code: where dreams and modern programming practices go to die.

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute LEGEND at CrowdStrike who must have single-handedly broken EVERYTHING! 💀 When they say "learn from your mistakes," this hero took it as a personal challenge to make THE MOST CATASTROPHIC mistake possible—you know, that tiny little oopsie that crashed Windows systems worldwide and brought civilization to its knees for a hot minute. Congratulations on reaching level 100 experience! The achievement unlocked was "Global Chaos." Your prize? Becoming immortalized in tech meme history and probably needing witness protection. Worth it!

Microsoft's solution to email clients is apparently to keep creating new versions without ever retiring the old ones. At this point, choosing which Outlook to use is harder than fixing a race condition. Classic version for nostalgia, PWA for those who enjoy living dangerously, and regular Outlook for masochists who enjoy random feature removals with each update. Pretty soon we'll have "Outlook (Quantum)" that both works and doesn't work until you observe it.

Content Srigi srigi "Latency Numbers Every Programmer Should Know" It is hard for humans to get the picture until you translate it to "human numbers". 1 CPU cycle Level 1 cache access Level 2 cache access Level 3 cache access Main memory access Solid-state disk O Rotational disk IO Internet: SF to NYC Internet: SF to UK Internet: SF to Australia OS virtualization reboot SCSI command time-out Hardware virtualization reboot Physical system reboot 0.3 ns 1 s 0.9 ns 35 2.8 ns 9 s 12.9 ns 43 s 120 ns 6 min 50-150 us 2-6 days 1-10 ms 1-12 months 40 ms 81 Ms 4 years 8 years 183 ms 19 years 4 s 30 s 40 s 423 years 3000 years 4000 years 5 m 32 millenia