Pseudorandom Memes

Product manager: "The random function isn't random enough." Developer: "What does that even mean?" PM: "It needs to be more random. Make it randomier." The number of times I've had to explain that pseudorandom number generators are deterministic by design is directly proportional to my growing collection of gray hairs. Next they'll ask for the random function to generate numbers they personally like better.

Taking the red pill of computer science truth here! Every developer thinks they're getting true randomness, but peek behind the curtain and you'll find deterministic algorithms with sneaky biases. That's why your dice roll simulator keeps giving 1s, your shuffle algorithm clumps similar songs together, and your procedurally generated maps have suspicious patterns. True randomness? In this economy? The machines are just pretending, and Morpheus here is dropping the hard truth that would make any cryptographer sweat.

This is peak programming education right here! A function called getRandomNumber() that just returns 4 with a comment claiming it was "chosen by fair dice roll" and "guaranteed to be random." The irony is delicious. It's like saying "I'll pick a random card from this deck" and then always grabbing the ace of spades while maintaining eye contact. The "!false" with "It's funny because it's true" is the chef's kiss of programmer humor. This is basically what happens when you ask a junior dev to implement a random number generator after they've had three energy drinks and zero sleep.